| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
thanks for reading everyone!
Chapter 34
Mariam
“Turns out that the myth isn’t just a myth anymore. Everything DBSK touches does turns to gold—even touching a beer that earns them DUIs. The ongoing fear that DBSK’s popularity would slump due to lead singer Hero Jaejoong’s DUI has now been officially cancelled. The two TV stations that showed a live broadcast of his return to the stage. Even though they only allowed the last segment of the concert to be filmed, that was enough for them to break yet another record. This screening scored the station its highest ratings ever. That’s right! They received their highest ratings to date! This is to say that the men of DBSK certainly are untouchable and will enjoy a long-standing, successful career for many years to come.
“While most young to middle-aged women are raving upon his return, critics complain that this is unfair treatment. That when a female celebrity is caught in a scandal, even something as trivial as her having a boyfriend, then her career is completely ruined to the point of no return. But for this man, his illegality has made their popularity soar. Kim Shin Hae on the scene asks citizens what they think about this.”
“How do you feel about DBSK’s Jaejoong’s return to the stage?” the short man held the mic up to a middle-aged, working class man wearing a deep scowl.
“I don’t care. The only people who care so much about those girly men are women. So I don’t know why you’re asking me.”
The camera flicked to a young lady, who looked to be in her twenties. “I feel as if they showed us for the first time that they’re human beings just like the rest of us. They make mistakes just like all of us. I’m glad they acknowledged their wrongdoings and are working hard to do right now.”
It then flicked to a middle-aged woman. “Even though I think that it’s unfair that he never got any jail time, I could tell that he was really remorseful about the whole ordeal. I think people should look past that and just continue on.”
A young girl, probably in her late teens, spoke with a faint scowl. “I don’t know. To be honest, I’m not as much a fan as I was of theirs because of this. It all seems too fishy. I’m starting to think that they’re really not who they claim to be.”
A tall woman, who looked to be in her mid-twenties, spoke next. “Well, people have to consider, these guys aren’t saints. They’re not perfect human beings without flaws. Even though I don’t condone driving under the influence, I think the media blew this way out of proportion. He has apologized a million times,” she looked to the camera with a pretty smile. “Jaejoong oppa, fighting! Just keep going on. Your fans will always be there for you.”
The TV switched to the concert DBSK had just held while the newscaster talked in the background, stating some more information on the success of the concert, showing some clips of the guys in smiles and tears.
He then went on to explain that Jaejoong had done a candid interview earlier that day that would be premiered at the end of the week. They said that they would only show a small part of it. My heart leaped when the camera showed Jaejoong seated in a chair with a black suit and a white dress shirt inside. The shirt was unbuttoned from the collar down to his chest. Jaejoong looked calm and composed. His sunny hair complimented his features.
He looked perfect.
“I just wanted to apologize to the fans for everything that has been going on. I know that they’ve all been in the dark for so long. I just want to apologize, because it’s not like DBSK to keep secrets from our fans. We have some of the best fans in the world, who always worry about us and care about us more than people we see on a daily basis. I’m really thankful for that.”
“What are your fans to you?”
Jaejoong took a long time to answer. The camera zoomed in on him, and just as a suspicious glint flickered in his eyes, he lowered his head. When he finally raised it, his expression was thoughtful. His lips curled in a gratuitous yet wan smile.
“They mean…everything.” That was all he said.
“Everything?” the interviewer asked, obviously expecting more.
Jaejoong nodded. “This might sound a bit weird to most people but, I feel like my fans are in some ways…my other half. They were the first people, other than my family, who I felt unconditional love from. And to be honest, I feel like, I’ve learned to love unconditionally because of them. I feel like, I know how to love because I’ve learned how to from how they treat me. It’s a peculiar situation because, I don’t know them personally, and they may not know everything about me, but we have a special bond that no one else could ever understand. And it’s because of this bond why DBSK has remained strong till today.”
Why was my heart beating so fast? Why was I getting hurt? No, I couldn’t be getting jealous over fans. I was overreacting.
“What you’re saying is very nice and well,” the interviewer said condescendingly. “But how do the fans know that you’re not just saying this because you don’t want your reputation ruined? Because you want to keep the same large fan base?”
The question made me intimidated and was slightly incriminating. I even hated the interviewer at that moment for putting him on the spot in such a way.
But Jaejoong handled the situation suavely. He smirked, highly unbothered.
“Of course I want to keep the same fan base. It’s a shame when someone looses loved ones right? And my fans are like loved ones, like family to me. And it’s true, I am saying this so that I wont lose them. I want to regain their trust. At the end of the day, I don’t care if people think I’m saying this for my personal gain. But Cassiopeia knows. They know the truth. They know me.”
“Any last words for your fans?” the interviewer asked.
Jaejoong focused solely on the camera when it zoomed in on him. He waved with a faint smile.
“Hi Cassiopeia, I’m back. I hope my absence hasn’t caused you to wander off with someone else. Now if I find out that you’re cheating on me, you remember what I said? I’ll find you and win you back. Of course after spanking you first. Thanks for all the support during these tough times. I love you all.”
I cut the TV off and sat in the darkness.
From a fair perspective, I was proud of them all. Proud that they had all overcome the scrutiny by simply doing what they did best. In essence, they really were the best and were a force to be reckoned with.
But from an emotional perspective, I was confused and panicked. He was back on the road again. He wasn’t going to be around all the time. He had spoiled the kids and I rotten by always being around.
Then for reasons I didn’t know, I hugged my legs close to my body, bowed my head, and cried onto my knees.
In pain…and joy.
~0~0~0~
Jaejoong
The moment I stepped into Mama’s house, I was attacked by two young living beings. I hadn’t even had the chance to put my luggage down. Trying to climb up on me by grabbing my pants nearly made them drop. Seeing no choice but to drop my bags, I got on my knees and hugged them tightly. My air circulation was nearly cut off with how they tightly they coiled their arms around my neck. For children they were really strong because they nearly knocked me over.
Seeing them filled me with an inexplicable amount of joy that I wasn’t particularly used to. But it felt nice. Really nice.
But also weird. Coming from a show with thousands of screaming fans to two bundles of joy squealing in excitement was a new, odd, and nice feeling.
When we pulled back from the hug, the kids were chatting up a storm. Even the usually quiet Hye was on a talking marathon. I couldn’t understand what they were saying talking over each other. Mama emerged from the hallway waving lightly as she approached us.
“You’ve got some restless fans on your hands,” she said, surprising me when she opened up her arms for a hug. Struggling to get up because the kids wouldn’t leave me alone, I reciprocated Mama’s hug warmly.
As soon as we separated from the hug, I asked how she was health-wise and all along with the kids, who by now were grabbing onto my hands with attempts to pull me in every direction. They were both recovering from slight colds which I predicted came from being out on New Year’s at the resort.
Everything that Mama was telling me was all fine and good but she hadn’t mentioned Mariam which was a rarity.
“How’s Mariam?” I asked, brimming with hope. “I have so much to tell her Mama. I hadn’t had a chance to tell her before, I don’t think she charged her phone cause I’ve been calling it nonstop and she won’t answer. But the guys and I reunited. Well, sort of. And the concert was out of this world! I want to tell her everything. Ah, I wish you had been there.”
“Oh I heard. It’s all over the news.” she patted my cheek affectionately. “I’m so proud of you my son.”
A large grin raced across my face, glancing down at the kids who had long since given up on dragging me with them, now causing a fuss trying to figure out how to carry my luggage even though it was too heavy for them. I would only be here for four days since the cancelled concert was our last one before we went for five nonstop. It was hard not spending those five days with the guys, my friends, or my family, but I had a family of my own now. They were my top priority.
“Where’s Mariam?” I asked eagerly, pins and needles pricking my toes with the need to go search for her by myself in the house.
When Mama’s smile wavered and she lowered her eyes, all the excited spirits that I had come with slipped out of me like the devil’s claws reached within me and purloined them.
My smile dropped like it had been snipped off. Breaking eye contact with me, Mama beckoned the kids to close the door because too much cold was getting in.
She didn’t even have to tell me that Mariam wasn’t here.
I closed my eyes, counting to ten so that I wouldn’t lose it.
I could not, for the life of me, understand that damn woman.
~0~0~0~
My arrival was no longer enough to sustain the children’s happiness. I was only now realizing how strongly they felt towards their mother. It was understandable. She’d gone to being with them since the day they were born to performing spontaneous disappearing acts that they couldn’t comprehend.
With a chair at the edge of their bed and a Harry Potter book loosely held in my hand, I rubbed my temple in distress, listening to their cries.
Hye was curled up to her side, crying quietly while tightly clinging the bed sheets up against her body. Jin was theatrically crying, expressing the woes of missing his mother.
This was her second day of absence. They told me she told them that she was going to the grocery store. I was sitting there thinking of ways to keep them from crying. Nothing I said or did couldn’t calm them down and I was starting to feel really bad for not being able to make them feel any better.
I almost felt inadequate. Like I wasn’t enough. But I knew how important both parents were. Children needed both.
“Come on guys, try to get some sleep. Umma will be back soon.”
“When?” Jin asked with a pout.
“By the time you wake up she’ll be here. She’s not coming because she gets scared when you guys cry,” I said, and miraculously that calmed them down only a little bit. It took another thirty minutes for them to tire themselves out and finally fall asleep.
I watched over them for a full hour, hoping that within that hour Mariam would return. But it didn’t happen that way. Sighing heavily, I soundlessly left the room and went to the living room to find Mama seated while drinking a cup of tea. I declined when she offered me some and made myself some coffee instead. I planned on staying up waiting for her.
Rejoining Mama in the living room, we passed time by watching TV. Some stations were still raving about our performance. Others were making fun of us for crying. I laughed at those ones and felt good at the revere we received.
By the time I was done with my coffee it had settled into the marrow of my bone, filling me with adrenaline.
“I’m going to go look for her,” I announced suddenly, jerkily rising to my feet. “Something might have happened.”
Mama regarded me with a frown. “Jaejoong, where are you going to look?”
I huffed heavily, shoving my hands into my back pockets as I paced the floor. “She has to be somewhere near. To be making these frequent disappearances she can’t be going far.”
Mama stared at me for a long time with sorrowful eyes before lowering her head.
“I went searching for her a week ago when she was gone for a long while. I went as far as the train station and asked around. The security guard that works there says that he always sees her driving there, leaving her car, and then taking the train,” she sighed heavily and shook her head in dismay.
“Eh?!” my eyes nearly bulged out of my head. “What the hel—why would she be going to a train station?”
“I don’t know. The security guard said that there are no particular days when she goes. It’s all irregular. But he sees her go there on a regular basis. And now he even says he notices that even if she seems to be hiding under her clothing, he can tell that her makeup seems to be a bit more extravagant than usual.”
“Makeup?!” I echoed like I heard the word for the first time. “Mariam rarely wears make up. And if she does you can barely notice.”
“That’s what I said, but he told me differently.”
My gut told me one thing. And it was something that I didn’t like.
It told me that she was possibly having an affair behind my back.
As the possibilities assailed me, I plopped heavily into the chair, dizzied by all of this information.
“Mama?”
“Yes?”
“Mariam…has started to really weigh me down.”
“I know.”
I glanced up at her in shock. If her own mother was agreeing with me, then something was terribly wrong.
Terribly.
For some reason at that moment, Junsu’s words crossed my mind.
‘Love is blinding. No matter how good or true it feels, don’t think that the person you love won’t hurt you.’