| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
___________________________________________________________
Chapter 36
Mariam
A nightmare was what woke me up the next morning. It was so bright that I winced when I cracked my eyes open. Then my heart began to race when I wondered what time it was. Looking at the radio clock on the nightstand, I was calmed to find that I still had a little bit of time left. Subsequently, I realized that I was being held from behind and I was lying in tandem with someone. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Jaejoong’s unruly hair as he slept with his face snuggled below my shoulder.
After realizing that I wasn’t in bed alone, last night’s events rushed back to my mind. Suddenly the wonderful ache all over my body made more sense. And as it made more sense I remembered everything that caused the ache. Even with the uncertainties we felt towards one another, Jaejoong and I continuously made love through the night. It was more about revisiting old pastures and discovering new ones.
As magical as the night had been, it left me with a great deal of emotional pain.
Sighing heavily, I rolled onto my other side, a difficult maneuver since Jaejoong was holding me too close. Luckily my movement stirred him to roll over to his other side, thus letting me go. Despite all the confusion going through me, I couldn’t help but stare at him as he peacefully slept. He had the same angelic face he had when aware of his surroundings. I enjoyed the view of his milky smooth skin and the ruckus of his hair.
Staring at him shifted me into a depressing mood and I sighed heavily while trying to slip out of bed as soundlessly as possible. I groaned in slight pain from the soreness of lovemaking, trying my hardest not to think about how wonderful last night was.
Tiptoeing through the room, I got some fresh clothes and went to the bathroom. After showering and getting dressed, I grudgingly applied make up to give me a livelier look. The dark circles under my eyes only seemed to worsen.
Once out of the bathroom, I was relieved to find that Jaejoong was still fast asleep. Taking more fresh clothes with me, I went to the living room where my duffel bag and purse were as quietly as humanly possible.
In the dark I picked up the contents Jaejoong had dropped from my bag along with my other set of clothes. I was busy zipping my plump duffel bag when light abruptly filtered the dim dining room.
Letting out a startled squeak, I turned around to find Jaejoong leaning against the foyer with his arms folded. He was shirtless save a pair of my oversized sweatpants.
I’d been caught again with my hand in the cookie jar.
Jaejoong stared introspectively, not saying a word while I stood nervously before him. This time I didn’t try to make any type of excuse. All I could do was wait in dread for whatever he had to say.
“Leaving?” he asked with brevity, raising a brow.
Clearing my throat, I shifted nervously. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”
All levels of displeasure run through him.
“It’s okay. I’ve been awake the entire time,” he said casually, uncaring of my shock as he shoved his hands in the pant pockets and walked further into the dining room. So had he been awake when I when I watched him supposedly sleep? When I was in the bathroom? How long had he been standing there, watching me pack?
“In fact, I didn’t sleep at all, because my gut told me that you would pull something like this,” he said.
He suddenly grabbed my purse from the table with no preamble, giving me no time to take it from his grasp. I damned myself for not thinking of taking it from his line of view earlier. But I never thought about that because Jaejoong wasn’t the type to stoop so low as to go through other people’s stuff. His behavior as of late was catching me way off guard. He ravaged through it before my eyes, filling me with trepidation. I was relieved that he overlooked the thick white envelope inside the bag among other things, only taking out my cell phone. I guess behind his anger he still had some respectfulness about him. I don’t know what would have happened if he read the envelope. I was glad that I left the most selling evidence in my car. For once my carefulness had paid off.
“What are you doing?” I still asked in a nervous fit when he flipped open my phone and started going through it.
His first expression was shock. Then hurt. Then anger. Then blankness.
“So this is why no one has been able to reach you. You had your phone off,” Jaejoong murmured neutrally.
There were no excuses. And there was no denying the truth.
So the best thing to do was to remain quiet.
He negligently tossed the phone on the table where it clattered loudly. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he looked at me squarely but emotionlessly, rocking back on the heels of his feet as if to control his anger.
“Seung was the last person you called. Nearly thirty minutes before you arrived…” he said, rather than asked. There was no use for asking when the factual evidence lay right in front of him.
I couldn’t meet Jaejoong’s gaze. All I could manage was a guilty biting of my lips as my heart raced a million miles a minute.
Sighing heavily, he dragged a chair out, sat on it and set his elbows on the table.
“If you leave, don’t come back.”
My eyes darted to Jaejoong to find him staring at his hands. The expression on his face was inscrutable.
But I knew what this was. This was a test. He wanted to see who I was going to choose.
I knew that what I was about to do would determine the turnout of our relationship.
It wasn’t easy for me to pick up my bag, stuff my cellphone in my purse, and walk towards the door.
Just as I opened it, I looked at Jaejoong to find that he had turned his head slightly, but not fully.
I knew that he knew the decision had already been made.
Tears stung behind my eyes when he stood up roughly and walked down the hallway with his hands balled into fists, making a network of veins bulge on his arms.
I walked in the opposite direction, regretfully closing and locking the door behind me.
~0~0~0~
I followed the maitre de through the dimly lit, extravagant restaurant. Each hesitant step matched each dreadful beat of my heart. My fingers clung tightly to my purse.
Inexplicable fear rushed through me when the lady kindly introduced me to the man seated behind the beautified table.
Soon.
The candlelight on the table gave his face a demonic shadow that made me regret making this trip.
The smile that stretched his lips made him look all the more devilish.
“We meet again,” he said while readjusting his blazer.
By then the maitre de had left. Like promised, Soon hadn’t brought anyone else with him. For a long time I stood rigidly and indifferently before him, making no moves to join him on his dinner party.
“Sit,” he suggested with a gesticulation of his hand and a soft smile on his face that hit me hard.
Knowing that this was something I had to do, I gulped with difficulty and sat down stiffly before him.
My eyes were averted.
No sooner did the waiter arrive and ask me what I wanted to eat. When I quickly declined, Soon spoke for me.
“Get her a glass of water.”
His suggestion on my behalf made me glance up at him in shock.
‘I said I was fine,’ were my first words to him, my voice unnaturally shaky.
He smiled slowly, cunningly. “You didn’t come all this way to this nice restaurant not to have anything. You said we were going to make this as painless as possible right?”
I turned away from his eyes in irritation. I didn’t even acknowledge the waiter when he brought my glass of water.
“You look different from the last time I remember you. Thinner.”
His pointing out my weight loss made me remember why I’d been so on edge with Jaejoong the previous night.
“And your hair, I see its back to how it used to be. Are you the one who inspired Jaejoong’s sudden hair color change? Her shouldn't have done that. Not without consulting management first. Image is everything, but I guess it worked to his advantage because the fans are raving about his hairstyle.”
This guy was a freaking lunatic. Did he think about anything other than popularity?
“I didn’t come here for you to patronize me,” I grated in annoyance.
“I didn’t agree on your invitation for you to talk to me however you please. Do realize that you requested this visit.”
I damned myself for that. Reaching him hadn’t been hard. Especially when his representative informed him that I was the one who wanted to speak with him. It had taken all of me to set up this meeting and now that it was here I was getting cold feet. Nothing about this seemed right at all but if I didn’t try anything, my children’s well-being, along with Jaejoong’s, would be ruined.
Sipping meagerly from his champagne glass, Soon regarded me coolly.
“I don’t have all day Miss Louis—“
“It’s Miss Kim,” I corrected staunchly. He would deliberately taunt me for having Western blood for the rest of my life. It was sickening.
The smirk on his face said that he was enjoying browbeating me but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Drawing a deep breath, I promised to tame myself instead of lashing out at him the way he wanted me to.
“I have a rather busy schedule. It was difficult for me to fit you in. So please, state your purpose,” he said.
“A busy schedule doing what? Monitoring your bribes behind closed doors?”
His arrogance drained from him before my eyes. I knew I’d caused some discord within him. Good. It was all a part of the plan.
Picking up my glass, I drank meekly, all the while aware of his drilling eyes. When I set the glass back on the table, I removed a thick envelope from my purse and set it in front of him. Opening it, I spread a plethora of pictures on the table. Some were of Jaejoong and I walking through the resort and even some of him and the kids having a snowball fight.
“Why did you send this to me Mr. Lee?”
I received an envelope with personal pictures the day after I went to see Jaejoong when he was in the hotel’s gym. I’d already been away from home for a long time, and coming home to that envelope didn’t put me in a good state. The pictures were an blatant invasion of privacy.
Someone had been following us. To think that I couldn't live freely or even let my children go play outside anymore was disheartening.
Not only were there close ups my children—even some with Jaejoong holding them in a very fatherly way—there were many with Jaejoong and I. I guess our careless date was costly. Even though his heavy winter wear concealed his appearance in most of the pictures, some of them showed that it was clearly Jaejoong.
The pictures that upset me the most though were the ones of Jaejoong and I in the hot spring. How the pictures were taken, I will never know. I recalled Yunho swearing that the place had high-end security. Were we all innocently living in that cabin with an invisible stranger hanging over our heads? Paparazzi were like spies. You never knew where to find them. I even recall some news on a famous female actress who found a pint-sized camera in the toilet of her hotel room.
Even though the cabin we stayed at was supposedly protected, there were unknown ways that the media found to get million-dollar pictures.
A picture with Jaejoong and an anonymous female nearly naked in a pool was certainly a selling shot.
The peculiar thing about these shots was that they were sent specifically to me with an article folded inside. The article was written by a skilled writer alright, a writer who did a damn good and convincing job of slandering my name. The article was titled ‘The Untold Story’. It painted me as a gold-digging wh*re who’d set out to use Jaejoong for my own benefit. One other shot that bothered me was the one of Seung and I entering his home. Beneath the picture was a short accusation of my promiscuity.
Allegedly, I rocked the town in search of wealthy men to seduce and trap for my own benefits. And I apparently did this because of my troubled past. An extensive portion was used to delineate my incarceration, portraying me as a fugitive from the United States that had raced to South Korea to start a new life. To start more crimes. To ruin more lives.
At that point I didn’t care so much about my reputation as much as I cared about my children’s well-being. I didn’t want the public to know them as Jaejoong’s illegitimate children like said in the article. The article claimed one truth though: that I hid my pregnancy from Jaejoong. But it didn’t say that I had no means of reaching him even when I tried to.
I was basically the monster in this entire fiasco and if the public caught wind of the article then a war that I wasn’t equipped to fight would start. When I’d received the envelope and read the article, I panicked and switched on the TV. South Korean media had advanced synonymously with the stars, so I knew that such a scandal would make news in all the big time TV stations in a jiffy. When I saw no news about me, my children, or Jaejoong, I’d called Seung to ask if he’d heard anything strange. He said no, but I still set out on my own to see if any such thing was up for sale in various stores.
I saw nothing and wondered who on earth would do something so vicious. Certainly, a fan couldn't go that far could they? In fact, how far would fans go if they found out about Jaejoong and I? If their untainted pop idol had kids that they knew nothing about?
With no return address on the envelope, I could only think of one possible person who would go to such an extreme.
That was why this meeting had been called.
“Nice pictures aren’t they?” Soon asked sardonically, probably knowing my train of thought.
“What was the point of this?!” I asked so irately that some people close by turned to us. Soon looked at them uncaringly and until they turned around. We were at a secluded portion of the restaurant, and Soon spoke lowly, so no one else heard the chilling words he told me.
“I think you know what message I’m trying to get across Miss Louis. I’m just showing you what happens if you don’t follow my orders. I’d asked you to leave Jaejoong alone. You never listened. I’m just giving you another fair warning.”
I glared at Soon long and hard.
“The article was written by our publicist," he continued. "She’s good isn’t she? Her major in journalism certainly paid off. But that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to say is that if you don’t leave Jaejoong alone, then I will have this story published in all of Asia by all major tabloid magazines and TV stations. I have Chinese and Japanese translations done already.”
“You’re insane!” I hissed at him. How could he mar my name like so in the continent I had come to in need of release? My name was ruined in the US and now it would be here, the only place that my kids could really start anew.
And I couldn't say that Soon was bluffing. He knew people in high places that I had no access to. Even if I ran to them with a million dollars pleading that they don't publish the story, the story was far too juicy for them to let it pass by. Also, they wouldn't need my money because they practically owned the continent.
“I’m not insane Miss Louis. You were the insane one for not listening to me. DBSK has just come back when I thought Jaejoong’s DUI and the fight with Yunho would ruin them. You were the cause for both of those happening. Now that it's over, after the hell you put them through, I’m not going to let some delinquent ruin them.”
I was fuming like a bull while glaring at Soon. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could someone be so cruel?
But because I was expecting this cruelty, I wasn’t going to back off without a fight.
It took me a couple of sighs to contain my rage. Sitting back, I stared at Soon levelly.
“Mr. Lee, you’re not the only person with power. The sad thing about you is the only power you have derives from your money. But I have a power much stronger.”
Surprise and rage gushed him, and even through his tan skin I could see him reddening. His eyes were hard and alerted.
Folding my arms on the table, I leaned forward. “And that’s the power of knowledge.”
We faced off for several seconds. I could feel the old Mariam taking a stand within me. Despite my physical weakness, I was emotionally strong for the first time in a long time. And it was against the very person who had tried to rid me of everything that I was.
“You see, Mr. Lee, I have some…knowledge…about you that could ruin you for the rest of your life,” I lied but used the little knowledge that I knew from Jaejoong and the media. There alleged rumors of him being a psychotic man who worked his employees to sickness and the bribing stories were what I was going to use against him.
“I know all about the underground business that you have going on. The bribing. The beatings.”
Soon’s face became stiff.
“I know that it happened in the back of Park Jong Yoon’s nightclub. See I’ve been doing some research on my own, and I found out that you were in fact, responsible for that beating. I heard it from the horse’s mouth. You may think me useless, and try to convince the rest of the DBSK guys like so, but I’m actually quite resourceful when I put my mind to something. And I have evidence on you that could rock this entire continent and make your empire fall. If you even so much as dare publish this article, the police will hear about your little dirty tricks”
He was clenching his mouth shut so tightly that his head shook a tad. He was as still as a statue. His face was beet now and his eyes didn’t hide the curses they speared at me.
“You’re bluffing.” He barely moved his lips as he spoke.
“Bluffing or not, I don’t care what you think. This has got to stop.”
“I wont let a child like you threaten me like this.”
“You don’t have to let me. Just don’t underestimate me. I’ve let you walk on me for too long. If that paper leaks, if my children are exposed to your ugly world, don’t be surprised if you receive a visit from the police.”
Without bothering to acknowledge anything else he had to say, I gathered the pictures, envelope and article, stashed them in my purse and shot out of my seat towards the exit. My heart racketed against my ribcage. My mind swirled. My legs shook. What had I just done? I had no evidence, but I couldn’t let him think that he could freely abuse me or my children. I was caught off guard by his threat. The only weapon I had at that moment was my mind.
I hoped to god that it worked. Even if only for a little while until I relocated them to France where my father was.
No matter how much courage I tried to have though, Soon gave me the jitters. There was something in the man's mind that had forever gone wrong, something that made me wonder if he had even a sliver of good in him. When Jaejoong was being molested, had he really been the one to take care of him? I heard sexual abuse went on a lot in LN as well as physical abuse, so could it be possible that Soon only protected Jaejoong because he knew he'd be a good asset? Could it be that abuse still went under their roof, but ignored only depending on who it was happening against?
When I sped out of the restaurant, I saw Seung standing tall in the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets, his eyes had been roaming at the entrance of the hotel until they fell upon me. I was so relieved to see him.
“Are you alright? You don’t look too good.”
Everything was taking such a huge toll on me that it was hard to stop my eyes from smarting with tears. Sighing heavily, Seung took me into his arms, holding my head against his chest.
“I’m so tired,” I confessed croakily, willing my tears not to fall. My hands were still at my sides. Hugging anyone other than Jaejoong was still very odd, so I never returned Seung’s hug.
“Come on, let’s go,” Seung suggested. He was my ride here in Seoul since I’d left my car at the train station. We were running some errands when I told him to bring me to the restaurant. I advised him to stay inside while I finished what I was doing. One thing I appreciated about Soon was that he didn't pry into my privacy anymore. He let me be and was there for me when I needed him.
“Jaejoong oppa! Is that really you?! Oh my god! I think it’s him!”
The peculiar question made me lift my head from Seung to see who was saying that and why. Had they seen a poster? A bus with his picture on the side of it?
Turning around, I saw star-struck girls looking in the opposite direction. Following their gaze behind Seung, my heart rocketed to my throat at who stood there, attracting attention like a magnet.
Jaejoong.
Kim...Jaejoong.
No. My eyes were deceiving me. Maybe I’d really gone crazy. There was no possible way he was standing at the restaurant I met Soon at in broad daylight.
Reflexively, I fully disengaged myself from Seung, who also turned to see what the commotion was about and I felt his dread when he saw Jaejoong.
Uppermost in my mind as I stared at Jaejoong in shock and guilt was what he was doing here and why. I’m sure he held the same questions for me too. I couldn’t begin to imagine how he had made it here. From my mother’s house it took two hours. Jaejoong still couldn’t drive unless he'd called his drivers to bring him here.
All those questions were thwarted because curious fans, who swore up and down that it was him, began flocking towards us. How could he have come here so openly like this? With no shades or any other form of disguise? Was he just asking to be tracked down?!
“Jae…” I murmured to myself, barely moving my lips, only for my shoulder to be sharply bumped into. And just as the hurricane formed above us, Jaejoong and I slipped into the eye of the storm, eying each other both in hurt.
“Jaejoong oppa! Oh my—it really is him! Oh my god! It’s him!”
The eye of the hurricane became smaller and smaller as the storm closed in on us.
Lowering his head, Jaejoong started to go the other way in the direction of a familiar black car that I often saw his driver drive, parked a few cars down the curb. He didn't acknowledge his fans and I understood why. One simple smile or wave amidst the chaos would only bring more chaos. Before I knew it Seung held me close to him and started going the other way, weaving us through the mounting crowd.
“Wait!” I struggled against Seung. “I have to explain to him—please let me go—“
“I can’t,” Seung defied. “You’re going to get hurt. There’s too many of them right now. We have to go.”
Unfortunately Seung was right so I grudgingly let him lead me away but never looked away from Jaejoong, hoping and praying for his safety.
The chaos went up a notch as every second passed. Although there were only a handful of flustered fans tailing Jaejoong, they were animalistic, making me worry that they were capable of causing harm and damage. It was like they were vampires springing up from the shadows soon as they smelled the scent of their prey, which in this case was sadly Jaejoong. The crowd grew as more civilians recognized who he was, all wanting to get a chance at touching and seeing someone who no longer seemed a part of the human race now.
“Jaejoong!” I shrieked in horror when they started gripping and pulling at him in all directions. By now patrons from the restaurant also came out to see what was going on, some of them going as far as taking out their cell phones to record or snap a picture of Jaejoong. My goodness, they were treating him like a freak show of some sort! I was beyond scared as I watched Jaejoong struggle his way out of the chaos without the help of bodyguards and such. Things got so bad that a traffic jam ensued...
All because of one man.
While Seung led me across the street where we’d parked, I saw something that disturbed me and roused sharp gasps from the watching crowd. A fan that was also stalking Jaejoong, had fallen head first and rolled on the road with an anguished cry because she was being stampeded on. You would think that the fans would stop to help her, but no, Jaejoong was far more important. The other surrounding people didn’t move in to help yet. I didn’t know if they were too shocked by the fall or still too appalled by Jaejoong’s presence.
Letting out a mortified scream at the graphic image, I tore myself roughly from Seung and rushed towards the fallen girl who’d been left behind. In attempt to tear from Seung my purse had fallen, but that was the least bit of my worries for the moment.
My heart raced as I ran to the girl as best as I could on the sleet covered road. Once by her side I fell to my knees beside her on the cold tarmac floor. She was moaning and wailing in pain, holding on to her side. There was a foot imprint stamped on her cheek and blood was trickling from her nose
“Oh my god!” my fingers shook as I made to touch her but remembered from my high school health classes that if someone fell and hit their head it was dangerous to move them because dislocation of their spinal cord might’ve been possible. I hoped that wouldn’t be the case.
“Are you alright?” I asked her fearsomely and she responded with a few whimpers, gripping her stomach.
“Somebody do something!” I shrieked at the onlookers that were finally galvanizing from their spots. “Call the ambulance!”
As I screamed for help It seemed like my words let Jaejoong know what was going on because I spotted him stopping from entering his car. His eyes went wide when he saw me and the girl on the road. Without question, he began to weave strategically through the crowd, who to my surprise were still not letting him pass! They still groped and held onto him even though he clearly had attempts to help the situation.
Just as Jaejoong rushed towards the girl and I, a large hand came over his chest and started drawing him backwards. I followed the hand to the rest of the body of the person only to realize that it was Soon stopping him.
“What the hell—she’s hurt! Someone is hurt! I can’t just stand there!” I saw Jaejoong, whose face was taut with panic and frustration, yell alarmingly at Soon, only able to tell what he said by reading his mouth. Soon on the other hand relentlessly drew him back arduously because of the restless crowd that had just formed.
I couldn’t read Soon’s lips because his back was to me, but before long he was jerking Jaejoong further back, now acting as Jaejoong’s bodyguard as he edged them through the merciless crowd. At that moment my eyes locked with Jaejoong’s when he glanced concernedly back at us. Before I could read them he was fully turned around as he was escorted to the car he’d come with.
Not able to brood over what I’d just seen, Seung had long since arrived, informing me that he’d called the 911.
Before long I heard the distant siren that confirmed this.
Glancing down at the girl, I tried to convince her that everything was going to be okay and that help was on the way.
That’s when the black car that Jaejoong was in whipped by. We locked eyes again as he looked over at us with nothing but worry in his eyes. Fans still hunted the car even as it sped along a hazardous, ice road.
“They shouldn’t be driving that fast on an ice road,” I muttered more to myself than anyone else because the crowd that had gathered were all tending to the young girl.
When the ambulance arrived seconds later, everyone hovering her was instructed to make way. Reluctantly, I stepped back and watched in dismay as the paramedics checked up on her. Relieved from their announcement that there appeared to be no severe head trauma, I watched in dismay as they took her away on the stretcher.
“Is she going to be okay?” I stopped one of the paramedics before they got into the van where they’d placed her in.
“We won’t know until we check clearly but I don’t think she suffered anything too crazy. I’m sorry I have to go.”
“What hospital?” I asked.
“Seoul National University Hospital,” he called out hastily before disappearing into the van.
I stood there watching the van wheel away in hopes that there wasn’t anything serious like severe head trauma or broken bones. Seung was the one who had to get me moving when he gently guided me away from the scene as everyone else dispersed, talking more so about their excitement from seeing Jaejoong than about their concern about the girl. I guess they weren’t that concerned.
Just as we walked to Seung’s car, I felt odd. Like something was missing.
It hit me like a freight train and I gasped sharply while frantically looking around for any signs of a pink purse.
“What’s wrong?” Seung asked confusedly.
“My purse! My purse! I dropped don’t have it!” I shrieked in horror, ignoring the angry drivers who honked as I stamped across the road on their path. Seung caught up with me, trying to drag me to the sidewalk where it was safer.
“Mariam calm down. You’re probably not going to find it. Someone must have picked it up during the commotion—“
“I need that purse!” I whirled around while shrieking at him. “Do you know how important it is?! There’s important information in it! If anyone finds that information I’m f***ing doomed!”
Seung held my arms and made me look at him. When I finally did, he let me go and spoke soothingly. “Mariam, calm down. Breath. Okay, we can start looking for it but we can’t do it when we’re nervous. And you have to be mindful of the drivers to or else you’ll get hit.”
Letting out a distressed moan, I slapped my hand on my forehead, letting my eyes roam around the big city with no signs of my purse. “You don’t know how much I wish someone would hit me right now.”
Something inside of me told me that the circus had just began, if it hadn’t started already.