| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
thank you so much for reading everyone. i will try to get the story done by the end of this coming week. sorry for my lack of updates too that's so unlike me, and sorry for this chap being too short.
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Chapter 38
Jaejoong
I’d just burst into the living room, uncaring of the congregation that was there. Staff, the manager, and DBSK were all rounded up discussing an issue that was the least bit of my worries. Even when I saw that there was an actual set of cameras and lights being placed in the middle of Yunho’s living room, I ignored that too.
I further ignored the stares that I could feel from everyone else.
I ignored the past anger and hurt that I felt towards Mariam.
She was hurt. She was in the hospital. Upon my request, Mama had handed the phone to my children so that I could talk to them. It was hard listening to them, especially because they were crying, asking me why their mother wouldn’t wake up and what all that red stuff on her was. Jin pointed out that he saw it in action movies whenever people were sad. It was so scary to hear them like that.
That, and getting to her and the children as soon as possible, was where my train of thought lay.
Up until a hand closed over my shoulder and spun me around as I looked for my coat and Yunho’s set of keys. I was going to ask him to take me to the hospital. If he didn’t want to, then I would breach my probation and go there on my own.
I was relieved to find that he was the one who had spun me around.
“Yah! I was just about to talk to you. We need to leave—“
“You have to address the issue now. The fans are going insane without knowing what's really going on. There’s too much unrest and they’re demanding that you say something,” Yunho said with a heavy frown.
The frown on his face made me think he had heard about the beating. I didn’t even pay attention to anything else that he was saying.
“You’ve heard?! Mariam is hurt. We have to get to the hospital. I have to go to the kids to make sure they’re okay.”
Yunho’s eyes widened, confusion apparent in them. “Huh?”
“Mariam…she was beaten up…” my eyes fleeted to Soon who was standing a few feet away, watching us keenly for some reason. He was at hearing radius, so I knew he could hear what I was saying. The look his was giving us really rubbed me the wrong way.
That rubbing came from my instinct.
“Jaejoong, let’s just do this and get it over with,” Junsu stepped up to us.
“Mariam is in the hospital,” Yunho murmured, making Junsu’s eyes widen like his did.
“Huh? What? Why?”
“She was beaten.” Yunho turned to me. “How did you find out?”
“Her mom…” I answered him, my eyes still fixed on Soon, unable to move. He was still looking at me strangely, knowingly. My instinct started acting overtime. Why hadn’t I listened to it at that moment?
“We’ll be on in five,” one of the camera men announced.
“What’s going on?” I asked both Junsu and Yunho in confusion. My head began to hurt. My heart was racing.
“KBT is here,” Yunho murmured with his eyes downcast. “Soon scheduled a much needed impromptu interview that will be shot live.”
Much needed? Was this really much needed? So suddenly? Soon had been here for hours and we hadn’t heard about this.
KBT was one of the biggest TV stations in the nation. We had strong ties with them, so much that if we asked them to jump all they’d do was ask how high. That’s why I wasn’t surprised that they quickly responded to our every beck and call.
“Wait, what? This was decided without us?” I asked as our makeup artist rushed up to me, powdering my face with a sponge without warning.
“Soon thinks that if we don’t talk now, then the damage on our image could be irreparable.”
Our image. Why did they have to take the heat when it was my problem?
“We’re all going on?” I asked as our stylist handed me a grey sweater to wear from some new French designer that chose us to promote his clothing.
“Hurry,” she instructed, peeling off the cotton jacket I was wearing. “We don’t have much time, wear this.”
I had no choice. By the time my jacket was forcefully taken off, the hole of the collar was being pushed down my head before I had time to protest. Still confused because of it all I found myself gloving my arms with the sweater’s sleeves that came all the way down to my knuckles.
“How bad is the beating? Mariam I mean,” Junsu asked in horror.
Bitterness soared to my throat. “She’s unconscious…bleeding…”
Saying it made it all the more unbelievable. Just as I readily started for the door, Soon had walked up to us and was ushering me where the camera and lights were.
“We don’t have time,” he said hurriedly and I looked over at him in bewilderment.
“You’re right! Mariam is—“
“We’re on in two!” one of the camera men announced, making Soon practically haul me onto the chair. Looking over my shoulder I saw that the rest of the guys reluctantly followed. Junsu had told Changmin and Yoochun already and they wore the same expressions of mortification.
“What the hell is going on?!” I demanded to Soon who was tinkering with my hair like the makeup artist had earlier, trying to make sure I looked presentable at a time like this. He then nearly pierced my eardrum by inserting an earpiece given to him by one of the staff members. By then the rest of DBSK were seated on either side of me, each of them being readied for show time. A female journalist who was familiar to us sat across from us with her notepad on her lap.
Was this really happening?! Right now?! For some reason I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move because I was about to face them. My fans. For the first time since they found out what a liar I was. I hadn’t even rehearsed what I was going to say. I didn’t even know what I was going to say.
What was I supposed to say? Sorry for falling for someone that wasn’t them?
And anyway, Mariam was beaten up! How was I supposed to focus on my fans when the mother of my children lay unconscious in the hospital?
Just as I reflexively made to get up, strong hands pinned me down. Throwing my head back, I stared wide eyed at Soon. He was really forcing me to remain seated. He was forcing me not to see Mariam. Had he known about this?!
“I want you to give as positive answers as possible. Stick to the fact that you didn’t know she was pregnant. Say that you found out when she came back looking for money years later after her own life was in shambles. Whatever you do, do not make it look like it was your fault, because it wasn’t. Sound remorseful and sad—especially to your fans who may feel betrayed. Okay? Okay.” Soon paused, looking me directly in the eye with hard cold eyes. “This is live, which means, there are no second chances. You only have one chance. You mess up now, you mess up forever. ”
Amidst the chaos Soon and I stared at one another. And it was more like a stare between enemies. There was a look in his eyes that made me very uncomfortable, a hell-bent look that I had never seen before. This wasn’t the same guy that had taken care of the homeless boy whose dream had once been to sing. This wasn’t the same guy that had told me I was like a son to him and that he would always be there for me.
Or maybe this really was him, but I’d been too blinded to notice earlier.
Then the sight of Mariam’s limp body on the doorstep of her mother’s home, drenched in blood made me try to stand up only to be pressed harder onto the chair.
He was really imposing physical force on me.
“Wait—“
“And...we’re on!”
And just like that, everything changed like a flip of a coin. Like a spell. Whenever the camera started rolling, even at a crucial time like this, it would become the focal point to the exclusion of everything else. It was almost as if a chip was ingrained in my mind when I first started this business, a chip was ingrained in my mind; one that would turn on when the lights, camera, and action hit, making me act accordingly.
Making me act perfectly. Making me act like the Hero Jaejoong without flaws. Like the guy who knew all the right things to say. The guy who knew when to make the memorable joke on cue that would have the fans giggling and stating what a 'cute dork' that I was. Or the perfect romantic answer that would make them swoon, and believe in me so much that they'd purchase everything that was me.
Just to get a piece of me.
Just to get closer to me...
To be closer to the man that had mishandled their honor.
And this sense of obligation engufled me each day from the moment I had met Mariam. This sense of guilt towards my fans.
It was like some sort of deformity in me. Even when I knew that Mariam was in trouble, I was pinned to my seat, knowing that I had to, yet again, give my fans a piece of myself. Even when I knew she was in surgery, I felt like my fans were in a surgery of their own, each enduring cuts and bruises, because deciet and distrust were some forms of the unkindest cut of all.
As I stared into the camera lens, paled by the abruptness of it all. Paled by the fact that I knew behind that pane of glass were my fans, watching eagerly, waiting for my first words since this incident. Words that could forever change the fate of my relationship with them forever.
After greeting us with formalities, the interviewer tried to beat around the bush and sugarcoat her words until she finally moved in for the kill.
All the while, I could barely sit still. Even if we weren’t looking at each other, I could tell that the rest of the guys felt my uneasiness.
“I understand that some pictures leaked two days ago of you and an unidentified woman. Moments later an article leaked on the internet about her,” she pushed her bifocals up the narrow bridge of her nose while sitting forward. “There are many fans outraged by this. Calling DBSK a fraud, many others feeling hurt because they feel as though they were led on. What would you like to say about this?”
I remained quiet, staring sightlessly at the carpeted floor. Mariam was hurt. The kids were in a state of shock. Mama was in a panic.
Fans were outraged. Fans needed an explanation.
What was I to do? The fact that I questioned that made me realize how quickly I was reverting to old antics. Always picking them over her.
Sighing sharply, I forged ahead, refusing to let anything stop me as I said something that I knew would bite me in the ass later on.
“I would love to stay and talk, but there are some obligations that I have to attend to. To my fans, I just want them to know that I love them all. I’m sorry that they had to find out this way. I'm sorry for any pain that I have caused them or anyone that I work with. Please do not put anyone to blame because of this situation. I plan to give an extensive explanation for my actions, which I am partially apologetic for, but I cannot do that now. I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have to go.”
I felt Yunho strain beside me, but was glad that he didn’t reach out and stop me from leaving. I felt all the other guys drown in disappointment, but couldn't stick around enough to change my mind. The cameras followed as I rushed out, and I heard Soon yelling for them to cut it off.
I had to get out of there, and I had to get out of there quick. There was no time to go back and ask Yunho to drive me to the hospital whilst everyone was watching.
I couldn't believe that I was doing this. Choosing her over them.
Was this really the right thing to do?
Was I wrong for questioning whether my actions of going to her were right or wrong? Was I wrong for worrying that my fans would feel neglected, even at a time like this?
Just as I made my way out of the door, when coming down the front steps of Yunho’s home, I saw cop cars sprawled at the gate. Detective Kim--the guy that had questioned me earlier--had just climbed out of his car. Spectators--both the few fans and media that lurked in the bushes--all watched with intrigue and curiosity as he showed the guard his badge, demanding admittance in, which he was given.
Before I could ask why they were here, he cur me off as he came closer.
“Sorry to ruin your plans son, but you’re coming with me.”
Their timing was perfect.
Just perfect.