| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
To Be or Not to Be
I’ve come to learn that I write too much. I have this weird obsession with writing—especially in the summer when I don’t have school to distract me (yes, it’s sad, I know. It should be the other way around. Writing should be distracting me from school lol). But for me, To Be or Not to Be started as I was sitting in my living room. It was right around the time I’d gotten interested in DBSK. And then my sister was playing this song called ‘No’ and it just put me in a mood, and instantly put me in a hotel room of lovers lol. The story was meant to be a cute one-shot to fulfill my desire for Kim Jaejoong lol. But then around that time, I was reading up on the dark side of the music industry. Being a music junkie, this stuff REALLY excites me more than the norm. Then from there I further contemplated what it must be for these guys behind the scenes, tying it into a love story.
Already, as you already expect, that’s one of the most cliché plots in the book. But I felt that it’s a plot that hasn’t been dug into enough. I have written stories about famous men in relationships, simply to fulfill my fangirlism, but I realized I was writing ‘on top’ of them. I was writing in the eyes of someone looking at the story, instead of being the story.
So I decided, why not use a plot that I’m passionate about, and actually immerse myself in it?
As the plot went on, I found myself enjoying Jae’s psych. I liked exploring what he was all about. And on account of Mimi, I enjoyed learning what it was like for her, an independent woman, to become dependent on a man who was fawned after by millions of girls, thus reducing her to one of those girls. The reason why I made Jaejoong leave her is simple—I just wanted to be realistic. Realistically, I couldn’t see a famous man walking away from all that fortune and adoration just for one person—especially at that young point in their life. And I also wanted to raise the question of whether Mariam and Jaejoong were just being silly people, acting out what they THOUGHT love was supposed to be as opposed to really being in love. Jaejoong and Mariam are a typical couple. They were meant to be typical. There wasn’t supposed to be anything ground breaking or unique about them except for the situation that they were in. to me, they didn’t have the ‘it’ factor that most ‘star-crossed’ lovers should have. I did this purposely, and I think it’s also because I didn’t really start the story from how they met.
Of course with the way that I ended TBNTB, there just had to be a sequel. I loved Jaejoong too much to let him go.
The Unkindest Cut of All
I always used to know how a story was going to go before I wrote it. I always had it mapped out in my head once upon a time. Then I lost my way, writing as I went. Then about last year I wrote a story called Someday One Day that just came to me naturally. The Unkindest Cut of All is the same, though I really do feel I could’ve done the story more justice. It came to me naturally, but I could’ve done so much more with it. I think part of the problem is that I was writing in a hurry. Whenever I have the jones for a story, it’s a bad habit. I write too fast. I can’t do anything else unless I have what’s in my head written. I go crazy if I’m not writing it. But The Unkindest Cut of All is basically To be or Not to Be on a bigger spectrum. The love is stronger, the hate is stronger, the protagonists and antagonists are stronger. TUCA is much like TBNB: it’s about choices. The type of choices that you make determine your future. But then in the same breathe, fate can also come in and make that decision for you. From the first chapter, I knew Mariam was going to die—that’s why I put her having a fever.
I think everyone knew that Mariam was going to die, and I guess in some sense, that’s what made the story predictable. It’s how she was going to die that I don’t think was expected.
I love irony so much, that I had to do it this way. At first, I was going to have Soon be the one solely responsible, but I thought it would be very interesting to have the villain be someone that we as readers didn’t even know, when at the same time, not resort to a dues ex machina. What I do apologize for was the way I started the story (the prologue. I didn’t even know how to fit it into the story lmaoo)
I have altered the prologue so that it makes more sense. But anyway, back to what I was saying. It is very possible that these guys have fans who dedicate their whole lives to them. And its so ironic for these stars, cause they don’t know these people who live by their every word. That’s why it was so shocking at the end, but very believable (to me at least). There are people out there, unfortunately, who are that mentally unstable.
Jaejoong: I LOVED HIM! I don’t know why, I loved his character. At first, I was iffy, because I know that smart alecky tough sexy guys are popular. you know, the mysterious type. But i didn't want to do that. I have grown wary of 'strong, silent' characters and didn't think it would fit Jaejoong. All in all, he was an easy character to create simply because he had many sides. He wasn't AMAZING like 'omg i'll remember Jaejoong forever' but he was cool. He could be annoying sometimes though, but he was alright. Even though fanfic is meant for one to base a character off of what a celebrity portrays of themselves, I tried not to get too caught up in that because that would have restricted the story. Before thinking of him as Kim Jaejoong from DBSK, I thought of him as a person. And this wasn’t anything personal. You could say I used him as an example. The main goal was to use him as a poster child for all male celebrities and sort of imagine what it might be like to be in that type of world. Jaejoong was shamelessly greedy. He enjoyed his life as a famous person, yet he still wanted a bit of privacy. In a sense he was selfish. (lol, in a sense). He wanted his fans to be strictly there for him, which is why he went to some extremes to please them, yet at the same time, he wanted them to leave him alone as soon as HE wanted to be left alone. This being a gassoo fic, I was a bit worried of how to make him ‘my own character. That’s why I know that some fans may not read this story because they might think that I’m trying to say that I know what he’s like. Nope. What I knew was that I wasn’t going to make him this squeaky clean guy. I wanted him to be a guy who used occasional curse words. I wanted him to like sex (lol sorry for those underage) And even if I wanted him to be a regular guy underneath all the glitz and glamor, I also didn’t want him to be an as*hole
Mariam: Lollll one of the most hated characters huh? Don’t worry, there were many times when I hated Mariam too. But at the same time, I understood her side. Her confusion and frustration. Which is what made her situation both fun and frustrating to write about because there were times when I would feel just like her. I think a reason why Mariam was very annoying was because of her stubbornness. The very moment I began TBNTB, I knew that Mariam would NOT be those ‘cutesey’, cheerful type of girls. Based on how I made Jaejoong, I wanted the type of girl he ended up with to be completely unexpected. When we first met Mariam, she was so serious about her life. She knew what she was going to do and become. It’s very unfortunate what happened to her, and then the illness above all things. There is a reason why I didn’t magnify this and that’s because I didn’t want that to be the centerfold of the story. I knew that this concept was very cliché. I thought about it long and hard. But I decided to put it in there because ultimately this illness is what shaped up their relationship. If it had not been there, she wouldn’t have forgiven Jaejoong so quickly. She would’ve held the grudge up until the last chapter of the story because knowing Mariam’s tough attitude, something like that would not fly. Another reason why she forgave Jaejoong so quick was for the sake of their children. See even though Mariam’s parents divorced, her upbringing was very strong and she wanted the same for her children. Mariam will be a memorable character for me because even if she wasn’t particularly likable, she still fought hard. She went through a hell of a lot and still fought.
Jaeriam (hahaha the lame Vitamin name huh lol): Their relationship was very peculiar. It wasn’t your traditional relationship. Which made it a bit tricky to write about. I feared the development of their relationship because there were times I didn’t know where these two would take me. they irritated me so much sometimes but they made me so happy and so heartbroken during others. The reason why I love them so much though is because their relationship was a normal one. It started out with a simple attraction that mounted to something deeper. Not the most interesting way to hook up, but definitely possible.
There were many potholes in their relationship. And when you really think about it, this happened because not only was something blocking them from being together, they were just both so confused.
There are many times when I have wondered, were Jaejoong and Mariam really in love?
I think that is up for debate.
It raises the question of what love truly is. If it even exists. Even as the author, I have sometimes leaned to the fact that maybe they weren’t really in love. Maybe they just depended on each other. Although they met as strong individuals, they were there for each other when they broke down. There was a lot of codependence between them, but a lot more on Jaejoong’s part. Mariam was his go to person. It’s apparent in the last chapter, when he was searching for her after SunJung did away with herself. He was so distraught that he wanted to shut off the truth by looking for her. but the irony of it all is that his fans were his ‘go to’ people too. Only now, he couldn’t turn to them. I think he pitied SunJung, but in a sense he also hated her. he pitied her because she was a fan but he hated her because she was the reason why Mariam died.
SunJung: It’s crazy, this person only has two scenes in the whole story, yet she was the one that changed everything. There isn’t much to say. She’s just a fan that sort of went too far with her obsessions. Its almost like, very eerily, that everytime Jaejoong was thinking about his fans, she was the one he was unknowingly thinking about. I don’t think any elaboration is needed on her, because we see her as Jaejoong sees her. He didn’t know her, yet like she said, she knew everything about him because he dangerously sold his soul to his fans and whatnot.
Soon: Ya’ll will hate me for saying this, but Soon was the most fun to write about besides Jaejoong haha. The reason being, he was such a multi-faceted character. Even as I wrote about him, I swear I never knew half the stuff that would come out of his mouth or half the things that he would say. He was so mysterious, yet at the same time, he left nothing to the imagination. I say this because he always warned everyone that he went after. He even warned Jaejoong up to the very end. I will sound so evil saying this lol but he was one of the most fun villains to write about just because he was spontaneous. Soon was hungry for many things as I’m sure they’re all apparent to you.
UCA ending: Well, to me it just fit with the entire plot. It may be a bit gruesome and macabre for some, and I apologize if you can’t stomach the horror, but this is how I wanted to end it. if I wanted it to be a happy ending, I would have just ended it at chapter 47. So if you wanted a happy ending, lol you should just stop reading at the end of Chapter 47. Like I said earlier, before I even started writing UCA, I decided that Mariam would die. So I tried to fit that into a story about fans and celebrities. Now I will say this, I wasn’t doing this to send out any morals. I honestly wasn’t. this wasn’t something I wrote attacking DBSK fans or DBSK themselves. And I truly hope that nothing ever happens the way this story did. In fact, I wish I had thought quicker and given Cassiopeia a different name, because it’s not targeted at them either. I wrote this story because I am generally fascinated with the connection of fans and their favorite artists. I’m fascinated by the music industry and I just wanted to tie that into a story. I could’ve used any other group and still made the story. So I hope as DBSK fans, who I’m sure are the majority reading this, that nobody feels attacked. Even though there are some things I base on real life, most of this story has come from my head.
Sequel: I knew there was going to be a sequel for UCA before I even wrote it lol. I know that is exhausting for some, considering how LONG this story is. But I started the sequel months ago, started plotting it rather. It may be out Christmastime or some time next year. I’m very excited about it. It will be very different from UCA. I wont say whether it will be happy or sad. I said UCA would be happy and look at what happened lmao.
My last thoughts about UCA: Again, every story is a learning experience for me. This is my 230493242308th story lol and I have learned SO MUCH from it (except for the length part. Gosh I need help in that part). Although rushing isn’t good, this is the first story that I have finished this quickly. This is the first story where I had to finish it whether people were feeling it or not. At first, I admit, I was a bit insecure and got even more when I would lose readers. Back in the day, I would stop because I would feel so wrung out, wondering why I was putting my all into something no one else was enjoying. But for this story, I cared about Jaejoong’s character so much that I wanted to see him through till the end, and despite all of your lovely comments, that is what has urged me to come to this point. I’m by no means proud of rushing, but I am proud of FINISHING. Finishing stories is my number one weakness. And I am especially happy because I ended this story the way that I wanted. There are many parts that I wish I could rewrite in this story, but not the ending. When I do rewrite the entire story to make it more concise with much simpler words, the ending is what will remain.
TO EVERYONE WHO READ: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Finding winglin and soompi has been a breath of fresh air. I found these sites when I was losing inspiration for writing. I know I said I would do personal comments, and though I don’t have too many not to do them, I’m soooo tired right now lol I will do them later on this weekend. But I just wanted to say thank you everyone, EVERYONE for reading. There is nothing else that I can say. With the whole surgery business and worrying about finances and school, your comments and coming back to write this story have kept me afloat. They give me joy when I feel very upset. I’m thankful that you all stepped into Jaejoong’s world with me, enjoying and loathing it with me. I really hope to see you at my other stories. I do hope to see you in the sequel. Its bittersweet saying goodbye, but I think we can all agree that I’ve ran this long enough.
It’s the right time to say goodbye lol. Some may not agree that it's the right way, but the timing is on point hehe.
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. I HOPE YOU ARE ALL DOING FINE IN YOUR ENDEAVORS AND HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN SOON!