| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
The reason this chapter is long is because we get deeper into the story. Like I said, unlike To Be, this story has a more profound plot. I hope I don’t throw you off with this chapter because it’s too much to take, but just imagine that you’re Jaejoong and you thought that life was simple only to realize that it isn’t quite what it seems.
My aim is to add as much as I can today because I wont be adding for a very long time due to personal events (I doubt I’ll be able to keep from writing this story though). But I might just get tired so this might be the last add in a while. And yes, Jaejoong will find out he is the father soon.
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Chapter 9
Jaejoong
One Day Later…
They were all disappointed, but didn’t voice it. I knew just by the looks on their faces.
Their opinion of me mattered very much, which is why my heart felt like it was sinking in an endless sea since their opinion of me was very low now.
“Didn’t you tell me that you were going to stop drinking that night? Hadn’t I told you enough times to lay off the drinks?” Yunho sighed heavily and shook his head of jet black hair in disappointment, “I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone. But damn it Jaejoong you’re not a child anymore. For heaven’s sake you’re the eldest one and you’re not even leaving a good example.”
I frowned heavily at my bestfriend as he pursed his lips in a grim line, pronouncing the high cheekbones that sent his fans to love-spelled seizures. Yunho had the most virile qualities amongst all of us. He was the tallest, had the most emphasized muscles, and spoke the most intellectually. It was only natural that he was the leader of our group.
“I think that this situation should make you reflect. I know it’s been hard on you, but it’s been hard on all of us.” Changmin, the most responsible one next to Yunho, said. That day he was dressed casually, as was everyone else, with a ball cap worn backwards, a white t-shirt and jeans stylishly torn at the jeans. His winter coat was draped over the back of his chair. I’d left mine in Yunho’s car.
“We also want you to understand that you’re not alone. Whatever it is that you’re going through, you should tell us. We don’t want what happened a few years ago.” Junsu reminded in his uniquely soft voice. Junsu was unique in more ways than one. Though he was soft spoken, he had a bag of pipes when it came to singing. The guy could crack windows with his unbelievable vocal range. His vociferous voice and buoyant personality fit well with his is facial structure of a button nose that you just wanted to endearingly pinch and a smile that could make any misanthrope love mankind. The dark spunky, spiked hair he wore now also spoke volumes of his uppity personality—but he had his days. Like today. And I hated that I was the cause for his sullenness.
“But you’ve learned your lesson though, right?” Yoochun asked before drafting from his glass of water. If cool and laid back had an image, it was Yoochun. He was the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. With a smirky smile that could melt butter and a laugh that could warm you up no matter what predicament you were in, Yoochun’s addictive personality was the one that you wanted to hang around no matter what. He’d resorted to his natural black hair and let it grow out , which was strikingly felicitous to the type of easygoing person that he was. Still, he had n ardent heart and at times I knew he used this demeanor to sway people from thinking that he had real feelings and real problems. It was due to his past.
“Yeah, I have.” I said ruefully, making eye contact with every one of them to show how serious I was. Of course after the big blow up Mariam and I had, and the scene our manager had made me cause when he tricked me into thinking the media had found out about us, my best friends had found out about her too. They were all shocked more than they were hurt and to my surprise they understood where I was coming from. They were the only people who understood. Who better to understand me than these guys anyway? We all resided in the same boat.
Months after my incident had been taken care of, Junsu was under fire for dating a girl from another famous girl group, which sparked a plethora of rumors and outraged fans. It was a shame because Junsu really liked her but the hatred and threats she received were so overwhelming they had to cut things short. Changmin had come close to dating a family friend but was too focused to do anything serious—he was probably scared too. Yoochun had his player ways but I always had an inkling that there was a special girl from him in the States because he’d mentioned her numerous times. Yunho ended up falling for a lady who turned out to be a pathological liar—she had a husband and three children that he didn’t know about.
So we were all broken in our own special way. It’s just that I didn’t hold myself together as well as the rest of these guys.
We were currently all seated in a dimly lit, five star Chinese restaurant that had become our favorite over the years. It seemed that the restaurant’s décor was what attracted people more than the food. I for one loved the crimson glass candle holders that looked like red balls of fire when the candles were lit within them. The romantic ambience of the place often made me long for someone to share it with—Mariam to be exact.
“I’m really sorry guys. I don’t know what had gotten into me.”
“Um, alcohol maybe?” Junsu said and I chuckled with chagrin along with everyone else.
“I really do regret not being able to tour with you all.” I said morosely, barely eating the tantalizing food before me.
“It’ll be so boring now.” Yunho said with a sigh as he sat back into the booth, outstretching his arms before him.
“Are you guys lovers?” Changmin and Junsu chorused, making us all laugh.
“Well, you know Youngwoong Jaejoong is the mother of all of us,” Junsu said after calming from his laughs, “I mean we’re all going to be lost if he isn’t here.”
“I know, right? We’re going to be so hungry.” Yoochun said, making agreement rounded the table.
“Yeah, now who is going to cook for us?” Changmin said, playfully wrinkling his brow.
The past few days had been drab for me and I knew now the guys were trying to make me feel better despite what I had done to them. If that wasn’t true friendship then I didn’t know what was. I ached a little inside at how close I was to these guys. And at times I often wondered what kind of life I would live if they weren’t in it. The image wasn’t such a good one and I felt blessed to be able to work with them. Sure, we butted heads occasionally. Things weren’t always peachy keen. But at the end of the day we always came to a solution that worked for all of us.
“So, what happened to Mariam? Is she okay?” Changmin asked curiously. Soon everyone at the table was just as curious. Although they’d heard about her, they’d never met her.
“She’s fine. She just had a fever and a concussion but she’s fine now.” I said, trying earnestly to ignore the tightening in my chest but failing miserably. They’d seen her pictures on my phone though.
“How was it seeing her again?” Junsu asked next.
The sad smile that I gave was probably answer enough because everyone on the table wore small frowns at my expression.
“She really hates me and I don’t blame her. Our break up wasn’t the best one.”
“So what are you going to do now?” Yoochun asked.
I cogitated a while before responding, “Even though I keep telling her that I won’t leave her alone, I feel as if I should.”
“But isn’t that giving up too easily?” Yunho finally spoke after being silent for a while. My eyes shot up to his to find him staring at me studiously.
And then he had to go and ask…the question.
“Do you still love her?”
Slouching further in the vinyl booth with my foot on the edge of the chair, my elbow rested atop my propped up knee. My thumb adhered to the base of my chin and my furled hand rested before my mouth. My gaze drifted outside to the nightsky lit by the trillion lights submerging Seoul. I couldn’t help but wonder where she was and if she had a place to stay since her apartment was in useless ashes. I had meant to ask but so much had been going on I’d lost my train of thought when I talked to her. Damn it, I’d been selfish all over again.
“I think I do. It’s been so long though. How can someone tell? I shouldn’t really be feeling anything right?”
When my question wasn’t answered I turned to all the guys to find them all engrossed in their own thoughts.
“Guys, she has kids.”
“What?” Junsu murmured in Japanese, breaking the serious atmosphere by making all of us glance his way like he was crazy.
“Sorry. Hey, it’s not my fault I confuse languages now.” He explained and we all snickered. I couldn’t blame him. We’d had to learn Japanese years ago to advance to the Japanese entertainment market—which was the second largest one in the world besides the American one. It had been an arduous experience but we’d reaped the benefits from it. We now spoke Japanese so fluent at times we got it mixed up with our own.
“Are you serious though, kids?” Changmin asked, pulling us back into our previous conversation.
“Two of them! Can you believe it?” I scoffed to myself bitterly as my eyes drifted back to the window, “I’m so stupid because I feel so betrayed. It hurt like hell when I found out. Don’t get me wrong, her kids are beautiful, but just the fact that she has them by someone else…”
I wanted to go back to the days when I’d ridicule people who sounded like this. I sounded foolish and hopeless. I felt myself drowning in a swirling black hole. I hated to be the center of attention especially in regards to sympathy and I knew that my pity party was placing the spot light on me. I was okay. I had to show that I was okay.
“Wait,” I chuckled with feigned arrogance, “What am I saying? It’s okay. This is just further proof that it wasn’t meant to be. I’m glad that she’s happy. So are you guys ready for next week’s game show?”
They all looked at me strangely, but thankfully took the hint and we soon ventured off to another, more uplifting conversation.
Momentarily, Soon strolled in the prestigious restaurant and came over to our table. We were to have a meeting with him to discuss what course of action to take next. I hadn’t seen him since I’d left to see Mariam, which is why I dreaded his arrival. In all honesty, I didn’t know what to expect.
Soon was a tricky guy. You could never tell what tangent he’d approach you from.
That is why I was caught off guard when he aimed a smile my way as he sat with all of us. By his debonair attitude when he began to speak, I knew he was in high spirits. But instead of making me calm down, he made me all the more uncomfortable. Something was definitely up his sleeve.
“Hero Jaejoong, why so quiet?” he asked with a genial smile minutes into the conversation, “Come on brighten up. I know you feel guilty for what happened but it’s okay. You’ve learned your lesson. We all make mistakes. As long as you take this time to really think about what you have done, and as long as you come back ten times stronger, everything will be fine. No one will even think about it.”
I wanted to believe him but it was hard when the tabloids and news stations were having a field day picking at my story, all telling lies beyond lies.
Our dinner eventually ended on a cheerful not save my hibernating suspicions about Soon. Just as I was about to leave with my ride, who happened to be Yunho, Soon requested me to stay a while longer.
That’s when I knew that something was definitely up.
“I can’t drive and Yunho is the one I came with.” I explained, really not wanting to stay here any longer. All he was going to do was gun me down for unwittingly leaving that morning. I wasn’t in the mood for explaining myself and neither was I in the mood for his veiled threats.
“I could stay longer. It’s okay.” Yunho said and just as he was about to sit down Soon halted him.
“No, that’s fine. I wanted to have a word with Jaejoong privately. Go along, I’ll drop him off home.”
It was lucid that Yunho too could tell something wasn’t right, but I guess he wasn’t surprised. He knew that Soon had to get a few lectures in to remind me who was truly boss before fully letting the issue go.
Once Yunho left and Soon and I were alone save two men dressed in black seated by the bar, he focused his attention on me. Soon wasn’t a large man but he wasn’t puny either. Regardless his take charge quality was enough to intimidate a sumo wrestler. Even though he wasn’t handsome by stereotypical standards he wasn’t all that bad looking. His visage could get scary though because he was a man that was always up to business and nothing else. I should have been glad that his small eyes were often shielded by his tinged glasses but that only made him all the more unnerving.
“So how have you been holding up?” he asked as the waitress poured him a glass of white wine. I declined when he slickly asked me if I wanted to have some. I wasn’t that stupid. He was covertly testing me.
“I’ve been okay.” I said, keeping my guard up.
“That’s good. How’s Mariam?” he asked it so casually, as though him and Mariam were long lost friends and he wanted an update on my life. I wasn’t used to Mariam’s name coming from anyone’s lips much less Soon’s. I didn’t feel right talking about her to him either.
“She’s fine.” I said after swallowing hard.
Soon sipped meagerly at his wine as he sat back and eyed me skeptically. I returned his gaze levelly, fighting the urge to apologize for scramming that fated morning. I always felt guilty for going against his word. See, at times I felt I owed my life to Soon. Had he not believed in me I wouldn’t have even been able to step into such a restaurant. I wouldn’t have had the legions of fans that I did. I wouldn’t have had the chance to make the music that I made. So I did feel bad when I went against his word. But I wouldn’t feel guilty for going to see about Mariam. I wouldn’t let him make me feel guilty either.
I had to be really careful too about how I dealt with this situation because Soon was a force to be reckoned with. He wasn’t just a mastermind in cranking out successful artists at the efficiency and rate of a machine gun. He was rather dexterous in the art of manipulation. Sometimes I thought if he hadn’t become a manager he wouldn’t do so bad with acting—or maybe even becoming a silver tongued lawyer.
I had learned these things about Soon as I got older and more introspective. Before, I looked up to him like he was some proverbial hero. He could do no wrong in my eyes. Up until I met Mariam I had never paid attention to the other side of him. She taught me not to take everything at face value—even though I’d learned that growing up homeless and poor. But she told me to be more careful about the people I chose to trust. There were times I wondered if that was why he saw Mariam as detrimental threat to him. Because she made me actually stop and think.
Maybe that was why he didn’t like her so much despite never meeting her—because she posed as a threat. And it was that moment that it hit me. I had never thought of it that way until that night. Maybe I was just reaching and exhausting my brain too much.
“I’m surprised you still went to see her even after I told you to really think before you act.” He said tonelessly.
“I had to make sure she was fine.” I answered, trying to keep any heat from my voice. Soon nodded as if he understood perfectly. I sat and watched with discomfort as he drank his wine painfully slow. He probably savored the richness of it. As he liked to say, the lifestyles of the rich and famous was an honor and one should relish it for all it was worth. He was obsessed with many.
“You know what it’s like to grow up poor don’t you?” he asked, lifting the glass and watching it glint in the tenebrous lighting of the room, “What it’s like to go from rags to riches? To go from eating dirt having the finer things in life?” he sipped his wine to symbolize this.
“Yes.” I answered, wondering where he was taking this. I did know what it was like. It was like living through hell and ending up in heaven. Only sometimes heaven got a bit lonely when there was no one to share it with.
“Do you plan on going back to rags?” he asked before flushing the rest of his wine down his throat and setting his glass back on the table.
His question drove me back to the days I worked odd jobs, worried where I was going to sleep at night, worried where I’d find the money for my next meal. Times had been rough. And I definitely was never going back.
“No.” I said edgily. We were treading on dangerous waters. I really wasn’t in the mood of arguing.
“Then why do you keep doing things that could jeopardize your future?”
“I just went to see if she was okay. Mariam and I aren’t together. We don’t plan to be.” Actually saying the words hurt.
“You see, it’s not just about Mariam. You’ve been slipping up on more than just that lately. I heard you even said you wish you could sing only because you want to, not because you have to. You go around acting up. Drinking, smoking, trying to rekindle long lost loves that nearly ruined you—“
“Mariam did not ruin me.”
“She almost did. And it seems like she’s about to again.”
“No she’s not.” I stressed thinking of the finality of her kids.
“Why do you sound so sure? How many times had I caught you out with her in the past, before you finally stopped?”
“Trust me. I know. Nothing is going to happen this time. The feelings aren’t there.” I said with affected nonchalance. Half of what I was saying was true. Nothing would happen again, but the feelings were definitely there.
The pleased curve on Soon’s lips was disheartening. This was exactly what he wanted.
“Okay. So how are your parents? How did they take the news about the DUI?” the warm Soon branched out and even though I was indifferent, I answered his questions nonetheless. I was so glad when he told me he wasn’t going to get me a personal assistant and only mentioned it to scare the daylights out of me. I didn’t need a stranger breathing down my neck.
When our talk was over he did as promised and was my ride home. On our drive there, us occupying the backseats of his plush automobile, we talked about various upcoming events. He kept talking of his admiration for China’s growing economy, something that worried me a little bit. There was an ambitious edge to his voice that sounded so familiar—it sounded much like that period before he announced our departure to Japan. I loved Japan and its culture, but I detested that experience we’d endured when trying to adjust to the place. I’d sworn up and down I would never go through that again even if it meant my career withering and me going broke.
Our conversation was cut short when Soon suddenly answered his cellphone. Almost immediately, I detected that he was irate by the things he said and the tensions emanating from him. After snapping his phone shut he harshly directed the driver to ferry us elsewhere. I guess my plans to go home were shacked. Soon muttered curse words that nearly singed my ears off.
“What’s wrong?” I asked but he didn’t respond.
The car cruised to the back area of a high profile night club that DBSK and I had performed in while starting out and visited to party at years later.
“Don’t leave the car.” Soon suddenly ordered and before I could say anything the car had been slammed in my face as Soon stalked off. When I heard a car park beside ours I saw the guys that had been seated in the bar earlier get out from their car and hand a suitcase to Soon.
“What’s going on?” I asked the driver who gave me an uncaring shrug.
“Oh. Thanks for the help.” I said sarcastically. Oh well. I didn’t care. I had enough problems of my own.
Sighing heavily I reposed my head against the back of the chair, dragging my woolen skullcap low over my face until it covered my eyes. Since being in the hospital I hadn’t really gotten any sleep and I was being lulled now by the soft oriental music the driver was playing and the steady gushing of the heater that warded off December’s chill.
It was only when I heard the slamming of a door that I was jolted out of my approaching slumber. Subsequent to folding the cap’s hem above my brows I saw that the driver was nowhere in sight. To make matters worse, the son of a gun hadn’t had the decency to leave the heater running. Groaning under my breath I decided to wait, which proved to be a bad idea because fifteen minutes went by without him returning and me freezing myself off.
Left without a choice I left the car, stepping onto the deserted parking lot. This was a VIP parking lot for celebrities and CEO’s that didn’t want to mingle with the public or face smothering fans. I muttered a curse due to the chills that skated over my exposed skin, wishing I hadn’t left my jacket in Yunho’s car. Pulling my cap over my frozen ears, I shoved my nearly numb fingers into the recesses of my jean pockets. Blowing a plum of frosted air as I breathed, I hurried for the back of the club. The nearer I got, the louder the vibrato of the bass became. I even felt it at the soles of my feet and in the cavity of my chest.
The bouncer stationed at the back entrance knew me as a regular so I didn’t need to show any type of identification to be admitted access.
It felt weird to be going somewhere either without my band mates or a body guard tailing me. I felt an odd sense of…freedom and rebellion. But after what had happened a few days ago I wasn’t going to take my chances—especially now that I knew all eyes were on me despite the offense I found slightly minor. The media was magnifying the DUI issue only because it put more yen in their pockets.
The inside of the night club was packed beyond reason. Disco balls whizzed neon lights in a frenzied inferno. The air was a piquant mélange of nicotine, alcohol, sweat, perfume and cologne. The scenery was slightly hazed with smoke. But that wasn’t even the half of it. My eyes widened with each lewd thing that I saw. Girls danced against each other. Guys pushed up on girls from behind. I would look away instantly whenever I saw people drugging themselves up at the lounges in the room’s recesses. I was so thankful me and the rest of the guys hadn’t fallen victim to drugs in an industry where drugs ruled. Some thought it was just in Hollywood but the tragic epidemic was devilishly warming its way our neck of the woods too.
“Hey sexy, want to dance?” I hadn’t known the question was for me until I felt a snaking up my arm that made me look to my left. A sexy girl, too sexy at least, asked as brought the straight row of top teeth over her shapely bottom lip, her slender hand trailing up my arm.
“No.” I told her honestly, making her scrunch her face up. Just when she was going to get mad her features expanded into shock.
“Hey, you look familiar.” She said haltingly, her eyes glinting excitedly.
“I’ve never seen you before in my life.” My rushed words were followed with my rushing off. I didn’t favor lingering around one person long enough for them to realize who I was. Usually my voice would give me away for some reason.
After pushing through the crowd, I went upstairs to the VIP section. The bouncer, who was a friend of mine since way back, let me in without any problem after we talked a while. Once in the VIP I tried to go in search for a nice, warm spot incognito but to no avail. Other celebrities were there and it was only fitting for me to greet them good-naturedly, and of course explain that I was regretful for driving while drunk. They ahd laughed it off and told me to quit being a saint—or at least the saint that my label painted me to be. I guess they understood that we couldn’t euphemize perfection every second of every hour.
I found a comfortable, quiet, and darkened place in the east side corner of the VIP room. It had taken all of me to decline the lustrous waitresses’ offers of alcohol. Instead, I sat back and watched the party from afar while enjoying the warmth I’d been void of in the car. The need to take a leak eventually came and I was soon in search of the restrooms. The dark hallway where they were situated was really quiet in comparison to the rest of the club. After relieving myself in the bathroom I stood about the serene hallway finding that I preferred it to the action in the VIP room. Uprooting my cellphone I punched the necessary buttons that led me to a picture I often found myself looking at. One of Mariam and I.
Her naturally sandy brown hair skirted her face and a beige cowboy hat that I’d won for her at a theme park. Her profile showed her puckered lips pressed against my cheek as I too playfully puckered my lips, trying to look cool but failing, while holding up the camera. I punched to the following picture that was of her with her head against the crook of my neck, both of us grinning like never before. I remember that day vividly. It was around our last uninhibited days when I’d had a rare day off. We’d gone to the river that day and talked until the thunderclouds rolled in. But we’d stayed out in the rain, and loved each other in this rain.
I wanted those days back. So badly. My musing came to a halt when a harsh curse word made me westward to find a door slightly ajar with the sign ‘Staff Only’ adhered to it. It was the words that followed the curse words streaming from the room and the familiar voice that stopped me in my tracks.
“But he’s suspended. We already made a public announcement that he wont participate in any activities for a month or so. How is he to come on the show if we’d already said that he wouldn’t?” I heard Soon ask fitfully. It was no mystery that I was the topic of this conversation. This only peaked my curiosity. Mindful of sounds, I quietly neared the door with my back against the wall. From where I stood I could see Soon rigidly seated through the slot. I could also see that the room was dingy and unclean. The suitcase he’d taken with him was seated by his feet.
“I’m sorry but the deal has already been made. He signed to show up. He has to show up. Unless he’s strapped onto a bed and can’t get up, unless he’s dead he has to show up for our show. Not too long ago held a poll on the site that said most people tune in for him. And anyway, what’s the deal here? You’re the one who paid me to have them on. You paid me for this exposure. It would work for you because your boys would get the time you bid for and it would work for me because ratings would shoot up the roof.”
For several moments my mind froze. The unknown man’s words resounded heavily in my head. ‘You’re the one who paid me to have them on’. What did that mean? You weren’t supposed to pay a host to have your artist on their show. That was…no it couldn’t be. Soon never worked through the backwoods. That was bribing! A federal offense! No, he couldn’t do that.
DBSK had been built on honesty, had we not?
Soon remained quiet and the unidentified man who I couldn’t see cackled.
“You need to keep tabs on that boy. All he does now is act up. Before you know it his good boy-next-door image will be forever tarnished and his fans will turn away for him.”
“That’s why he can’t show up on your show. What will he look like to the community getting drunk a few days before, getting off and not even facing jail time, and then appearing on a game show? People will think he’s not remorseful, which he is. And I know you, Park, all you’re going to do is bring up that issue. This is not going to be good press. Their album is about to drop and this is not going to be a good look for them”
“All of this baffles me because you paid for them to have a spot. Either way, don’t you see? More ratings will be in store if we talk about it. People like that stuff—they like the juicy gory details that they don’t see in those flowery videos and scripted interviews.”
“That will work for you, not for me.”
“Let’s get one thing straight Soon, I work for me.” the man said smugly. I wondered if this guy had a death wish. Soon didn’t tolerate disrespect from anyone and I was surprised with how many times he’d let me off the hook anytime I fulminated because of Mariam. There was even word on the street was that Soon physically punished those who tried to test his waters but we always denounced such rumors as falsies. But there were always unsolved cases in the papers with his name latched onto them.
A livid Soon suddenly picked up the suitcase, lay it on the table with a heavy thud, opened it and rotated it.
The other man seemed to be stunned into silence, as I was too because of what was taking place before my eyes. I’d only heard from the grape vine that managers bribed talk show hosts to have their artists snag spots on those shows. I never knew that they were true.
Not until now.
This was something that had been under investigation by government agents for years.
And Lee Soon Yong, my manager, had been the heart of the investigation.
I prayed to whoever created this world and all the good things in it that my eyes and ears were deceiving me.
Please do not let the last decade of my life a lie, I prayed in litanies.
“Okay, since I’m the one who paid you to have them on the show initially, I’m going to take full responsibility. Now if I pay you this, fifteen thousand U.S. dollars, I want you to not only cancel Jaejoong’s from the show, but I also do not want you to mention anything but good about him. Say something like these are young men and they need their own outlets too. Say that policemen are hard on celebrities and that you had talked to Jaejoong on the phone and learned he hadn’t violated any traffic rules. Do anything but slander his name. I know that is how you get ratings but I wont have the names of my most prized possessions marred. I’ve worked too damn hard to make them what they are today and I’ll be damned if someone irrelevant like you is going to ruin what I own. Take this money. I know you need it.”
My eyes nearly dropped from their sockets from how wide my top and bottom lids were parted. My ears rang as if I’d just heard the most pernicious obscenities. My heart plummeted to hell’s gates as if the cloud it sat on had always been imaginary and evaporated soon as reality bustled in.
It was like my life had altered in a nanosecond. It had been flipped upside down. Things that I thought I knew about the man I worked for were all folly.
We’d been living a lie.
Shock nearly made me slump against the wall but I remembered I had to be invisible and soundless.
The suitcase disappeared followed by an amused sound.
“Hmm, I guess we could work something out. We wouldn’t want the gods of the east to have a bad name now would we?”
“If you even try to smear grime on any one of my assets, I suggest you watch your back.” Soon’s admonishing was followed with an earsplitting scraping of his chair against the floor as he stood up. That propelled me off the wall but something he said made my blood curdle.
“Men, finish the job.” Soon said and just as I started to walk off again it was a little too late.
When Soon appeared in the hallway I could barely look him in the eye. Not only because I was scared brainless for being caught but also because I would not see the same man that I thought I knew. Soon didn’t hide his shock when he saw me there.
“Jaejoong? What are you doing here? How much did you hear—” his question was drowned by a thump and a groan that of pain that that made the hairs on my nape stand on end.
“What are they doing?” I asked alarmingly and as I stepped forward Soon pulled the door fully closed. Now the thumps and the yelping were muffled and I was sure no one would hear them, especially with most people rapt in the spell of blaring music.
“Let’s go.” Soon affirmed.
“Are they beating him up?” I asked frightfully and as I carefully examined Soon, I knew that they were.
“But he said he wasn’t going to say anything! So why are they—“
“Jaejoong, I said let’s go.”
“No!” I aggressed towards the door only for Soon to place a halting hand on my chest.
“What are you going to do? There’s nothing you can do. They’re just teaching him a lesson. He overstepped his boundaries. And boundaries have to be kept. Now let’s go before I have Kyu and Sang teach you a lesson too.” The hard lines on Soon’s face showed that he meant business and when Soon meant business, he meant business.
I felt like I’d been backed in a corner with no place to go.
“I said, let’s go!” Soon barked and I knew he wasn’t going anywhere until I left first.
Left without a choice, or really, choosing the easier route, I turned away from the shocking events, galvanizing onward like a robot.
I could not believe what I had just seen.
Suddenly the world around me was of no importance. I almost didn’t see anyone or even hear the music.
I didn’t even bother acknowledging people as I walked out with my head held low, my arms stiffly at my side and my hands in my pockets. It was like this until we got to the car where we found the driver had returned.
Mutely I entered the car and mutely I sat at the corner while waiting to be taken home. The ride was mind-numbingly quiet as we whisked by the city up until we came to the iron gates of the mansion that Soon had kindly helped me purchase. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, hoping no illegalities were attached to this home of mine.
I hoped that the little incident today was the only thing he had ever done, but I knew better. It was probably a minuscule to a list of things that I didn't even want to think about much less know about.
After he guard let us in and we rounded the centered fountain up to the front steps leading to the empirical house, I made to get out of the car only for Soon to stop me.
“Jaejoong?”
I didn’t respond. I simply looked out the window. This was not the life that I had asked for. And I’d always been taught that life gives you what you ask for.
“What you saw tonight, you didn’t see. I want you to obliterate this from your mind forever as of right now. It didn’t happen. You will never repeat this to another soul. Do I make myself clear?”
Had I eaten that night I’m sure I would’ve regurgitated in response to Soon’s repugnance. He was unbelievable, as I was too for refusing to see this side of him. The signs were blatant as day but I had turned the other cheek, probably due to fear that maybe this man that I had once worshipped wasn’t the god that I thought him to be.
“Do I make myself clear?”
Soon’s question prompted me to open the car door, step out, and shut the door without another word before stalking blindly to my mansion.
Reality.
It cut like a knife.
It was the unkindest cut of all.
And I found myself suddenly needing my bestfriends, needing my family.
Needing someone.
Needing her most of all.