| Fan Fiction |
by whitefoxbuns
For a moment I thought my soul had left my body and attach itself to my voice, floating off to bounce freely off the walls. It echoed soundlessly; whispering a cold breeze to its silent watchers.
I tried to blink away my nightmare, eyes watering but failed to wash away the horrible scene of Changmin bruised eyes and Ji Yong painfully white knuckles.
Ji Yong threw Changmin up against the wall in an eye blink. My feet ran as fast as they could; carrying me between the two, shielding Changmin away from what might come. I yelped feeling tears sprang free from my lids as Changmin failed to push my body away, both of us waiting for Ji Yong’s blow.
…nothing came…I couldn’t breathe to grasp my conscience…
Behind the strong arms of Changmin, my heart breaks. I looked to the person in front of us. His poor form slumped with fists clasped tight. He glared down, face twisted in an angle casting a dark shadow away from my vision. I gasped and blinked my eyes burn with fresh liquid.
“Get out…” Those two words ripped the scar in my chest wide open.
Does he know that my eyes were burning holes onto his face? They were screaming for him to stop! take me back! Apologize! ‘Do something!’ they begged for him.
My body rooted to the floor, my limbs frozen and when a weep escaped my lips I leaned toward him, yearned for his touch and forgiveness.
And then I was out the door. Changmin, who I had forgotten, tugged at my lifeless body, pulling us both somewhere. I did not know and did not care. My whole being ached to turn back to Ji Yong so I stopped midway. Pulling my wrist away from Changmin who was unwilling to let it go, I looked to the floor for some guidance; my breaths fogged up the air shallowly as I cringed at the silent cold space. I jumped at the contact of warmth invading my ice burned skin. I bit my lips when realized Changmin had draped his jacket over my frozen body. Changmin affectionately reached out, wrapping the fabric tight over me. For a moment time closed. I was lost trying to debate myself that the reason my eyes stung was by the cold air and not by the fresh tears forming from the bottom of my misery.
For the first time since what happened I gazed up at Changmin. His brows fused a deep line hovering like dark clouds over his agonized eyes. The swollen left cheek pushed his bruised orb to a pitiful profile. His lips thinned as I make to touch the purple spot.
He switched his eyes from my face to my fingers for a second; watching as I flinched from the sight. Changmin shy away as I tried to touch it again. He frowned when I continued.
“Let’s go…” It sounded like a command but to me it was a sincere plea from Changmin. From the corner of my eyes I saw his hesitation while grasping my wrist again for the second time. ‘Was he afraid of rejection?’
My form gave in and all my thought disappeared. I gravitated along with Changmin’s pull. I sighed inwardly, turning my head slightly, secretly yearning my way back to Ji Yong.
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[Narrative POV]
Tae Yang had contemplated for the fifth times of the night, regretting attending a party his manager had invited. Seung Hyun and Dae Sung had successfully persuaded him to come along, and ‘be chill for once in a while’ as Dae Sung put it. Of course it was wild, fun and sexy just like how he had imagined but for some strange reasons, a worried feeling, weighed down his chest, cooking in the back of his mind that there might be something somewhere boiling out of hands. He caught himself spacing out every time a female come up to start a conversation. Tae Yang felt quite sorry for leaving them unattended, causing a great misunderstanding between him and those girls. He smirk hearing them whispered comforting words to one another ‘maybe he was a player after all.’ Sipping on his umpteenth cups of punch mixed with light booze, Tae Yang groaned at the thought that neither Seungri, Ji Yong nor Changmin had called him in the past six hours, sixteen minutes and six seconds. Tae Yang felt even more agitated at himself for counting and not much for reaching such an unlucky number. His head fell back to the wall for support, hiding cozily in the back of the corner he could observe all the ‘well fashionable behaviors’ the stars were having on the dance floor.
Maybe the alcohol was kicking in because he swore he saw the sight of Seung Hyun hyung whispering back and forth with a female. Seung Hyun was probably drunk because Tae Yang laughed out when he caught the guy pushing up the girl; hands wander over her taut body. They both looked like the music had owned them for the night, swaying their feline’s bodies, rubbing off their sweat, nailing the steps up the hard beats playing over the club. Tae Yang stroll closer hoping to observe them more closely. He should feel sick, perverted and left out for sneaking up to other people, but he didn’t, maybe if he remembers tomorrow, he would.
A harsh grab out of nowhere pulled Tae Yang startled body. He turned and recognized the sweaty, and smiley Dae Sung. He shouts out something over the loud speaker but Tae Yang’s fail to grasp it.
“It’s …o..n…NOONA!” he laughed and Tae Yang felt helpless because he had to yell back competing with the machine.
“WHAT?! WHOO?!”
“NOONA!”
“NOONA?! What noona?!”
Tae Yang thought he heard a familiar name. He tried to pick out in his memory why the name had sounded familiar. Taking a second look at the pair, Tae Yang knocked himself surprised.
It was Kim Yoobin. ‘Ahh~ the Wonder Girls’ he thought. ‘Dae Sung’s adopted noona~’
Tae Yang snickered then scoffed, patting himself in the back for successfully making out the figure in the dark and tightly packed club.
“I’M HEADING HOM—” He turned to tell Dae Sung but the boy disappeared. He laughed at the sight Dae Sung jumping on the table. It doesn’t harm them if he left anyways.
Pushing bodies, trying to squeeze through the crowd, he jumped at finally being freed from the human carnival, raving inside the
heated room. The cold air awakened his senses, stimulating his brain and Tae Yang remembers about the calls he hadn’t received.
“03-654-7443” he speaks the digits while pressing the buttons onto the device. The screen fogs up from his breaths as he put it closer to his face to see the number.
“G-Dragon…heh…what are you up to?”
One ring…two rings…three rings…four rings…five rings… “Anyeohaseo~…” Tae Yang heard from the other end and he answered in delight.
“Eh! I—”
“Kwon Ji Yongnimnida…ah~mianhe! I am not here right now, please leave a message and GD will call you back!” *beep--* “to record your message—”
Tae Yang turned off, disappointed that it was the message that answered him not his friend. His inside now beginning to relive the burning sensation he tried to put off earlier tonight.
‘Chill out Young Bae…there is nothing’ he thought quietly heading for the car.
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[Back to Seungri’s POV]
……………………………………
*shift*…………*shift*
“Are you alright?” Changmin asked one hand on the wheel the other held my arm firmly. I slowly nodded, unsure if I was justice lying to myself about how I felt at the moment. We were in his car. I was yet to ask Changmin where we’re heading to. Not a word was exchanged between us from the period of getting out of the apartment and into the car. I watched the dorm faded as we drove away, fingering the hem of Changmin’s jacket.
It was late. Few cars were scattered here and there. The sky raging with a dark and upsetting color and I could imagined the hissing cold wind being born into the December’s night.
‘What do I do now? Tae Yang hyung…’ I worried and imagined his saddened, angry and disappointed eyes staring me to shame.
The soju unfortunately kicked back to power. My throat itched and burned. Every swallows of my spit caused my stomach to churn and signaled my need to vomit. I made to take off the jacket as its heat plus the car’s heat were suppressing my ability to breathe evenly. Cold sweat trickled down my neck as I fidget for my way to feel the cool breeze.
“Don’t take it off…we’re about to head out.” Changmin said as I looked to see him swerved into an expensive hotel.
I stared at him pitifully. My breathing sounded ragged before now had calmed down after the car stopped.
“Sorry…” he winced; I can’t see his swelling eye.
“I also lived in a dorm, so I can’t take you there. This is the only place I can think of. It’s all my fault….”
I looked down quietly, figuring out something to say before Changmin could blame himself further.
“I shouldn’t have asked you out tonight…or WORSE let you drink!...” He was angry, with every stressed syllables his voice gotten tensed.
“I’m sorr----”
“STOP….You didn’t do anything to be sorry about…It was my choice to go and I wanted to drink. I don’t need another person to
take all the blames for me…” I paused catching my breath and turned to look at him.
“I should be the one apologizing for---”
“Shut up!” Changmin’s words halted me but I knew why he had said it. He got out the car, opened the passenger side, gesturing for me to move.
I was glad my feet could run quick enough to get me to the building. The freezing air danced happily on my warm skin; the mist clings to my eyes like glue.
Following him, I hid myself inside the large jacket; worried about Changmin bruised eye being recognized. Surprisingly there was no one in the lobby. The ornate lights were dimmed enough to cast a shadow over his face---Maybe the coldness can explained the purple hue on his cheek.
An old woman by the marble counter looks up from her sleepy doze, smiled warmly as greeting.
“Anyohaseo…How may I help you?”
“Can we please have a Presidential Suite with two beds for one night? And I would like to pay right now.”
I was shock at what he had asked for. ‘a suite? too much! No!’ I motioned to tell him to lower the standard but Changmin put up a hand to silent me.
“Oh yes…let me check…” She puts on her glasses. The frame tinted red shines brightly in the dimmed light. Her brightly painted red nails, tapped softly on the key board.
“We have you in room 511, will you need any room service please dial 001 to let us know---”
“Here is my card” The woman sensed a rush but smiles patiently. She took it with two hands, a polite gesture, then informing him about how much the suite cost.
“That will be ₩ 6,312,000 [$5,000] for a night. Is that alright?”
“Yes!” he answered instantly. My jaw dropped at how much it cost. I cursed him under my breath when the lady was busy charging his card.
“What the fuck do think you’re doing? Are you crazy? Changmin!” I yelled out but he ignored my comment. Taking the card back with ease, he didn’t wait up when the lady said to enjoy our stay. I followed his fast strides like a dog, throwing idiotic curses at him, refusing to enter the elevator. Standing inside Changmin held the metal door with one hand.
“I already paid…no return…don’t be stupid Seung Ri!” There was this smirk he released and boiled a rage in me. My stubborn nature stared him down, digging my position to where I was. Minutes passed and we haven’t said a word. I thought Changmin finally gave in seeing how impatient he was, he started opening his mouth.
“Do you really want to see him right now?” I jerked at the mention of Ji Yong. The throb in my chest hasn’t subsided. ‘What do I do?’
I stared back at Changmin. His expression softened but painfully reflected my own. Changmin exited the elevator. “Let’s go” he uttered, my wrist in his hand, I gave up and tag along.
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[Narrative POV]
“Get out!” He shouted…
There seems to be an animal in him waiting to escape and run wild the moment Seungri’s painful eyes flashed angry red accuse at him. He teared up when Seungri flinched from him and hid under the realm of Changmin’s arms. When he cried out those words in an instant he lost himself and regretted the animal that betrayed him, that chased away Seungri. Kwon Ji Yong despised the tears dwelled in the crevices of his eyes, threatening to expose his weakness. He turned away from the sight of hate that hurt him from the time he imagined it to the time it actually came true.
Seung Ri left him.
That was when Ji Yong died inside, writhing inside, bleeding inside as much as he wanted to run after Seungri and called his name and begged him to comeback.
All the feelings that were with him before gone disappeared and erased the minute Seung Ri walked away. He was left the prisoner of his own fault, dammed, helpless, and lost. Kwon Ji Yong blinked his watery eyes; every blinks the tears painted Seungri’s face loveless. The liquid stained his face wet with nothing but sober regret.
He doesn’t remember what happened. Maybe he had tried to kill himself, with the kitchen knife close to his wrist playfully, daringly tried to rip his skin, maybe he didn’t because he had even failed the ability to his life away.
Maybe he crawled into a corner, covered himself up with Seungri’s blanket, hoping the sweet scent could comfort him and tell him that it was all a dreadful nightmare. Maybe he had ignored the signals, the calls, of strangers because he would be scare if it was Seungri on the line. He could not ever take back how much he hurt Seungri.
Maybe Kwon Ji Yong knew that alcohol, kept stored secretly for their celebration, saved up so one day they could share, would be able to destroy his conscience. The more he drank, the happier he felt. The more of those sweet toxic, soaking into his tongue, bathing over his face as he poured them all down, the cleaner he thinks his sinned could be washed. He chucked them down, savoring the bitterness of his imagination then creating a massive chaos of glasses and shatters sprinkled over the carpet.
Maybe a sense of comfort was all it took to make him better. Someone who can be with him, satisfy his wants and needs, play like Seungri, replaced him…is all Kwon Ji Yong needs. After all, isn’t it sex? Didn’t Ji Yong have Seungri for that? So he pulled himself off the floor, palms tripping over the shattered glass strewn beautifully with his scraped up blood, searching for the key to his engine to head over that someone’s house. Maybe while he at it, it would be fun to speed things up to get over there. So Ji Yong pressed his foot over the pedal, swerving lanes, clogged up visions from the wetness he thought was early alcohol.
And when he got there... Kwon Ji Yong felt like the man. He knew that this man had listened to her whines, of how she had the whole night to herself, the secret only that man knew. He would knocked, pounded, maybe even shouted her name “Sun..Ye..Sunye… SUN YE! SUN YE!SUN YE!” until his eyes lighted up the moment light flashed on behind the glass door.
She dressed beautifully in the nightgown draping over body, hugging the seductive curves that make Ji Yong wanted to touch. Her eyes screeched with shock seeing him drench in sweat, alcohol, caked up blood covered over him. He would yank her flawless face to his; molest her lips, biting her, sucking her whenever Seungri takes over his conscience. Maybe, that all he was doing had no effects, so whether he wants it or not, he had to tried just so for one night he wouldn’t be tainted with Seungri’s eyes, face, lips, smiles, touch, and Seungri could disappeared and maybe Kwon Ji Yong would never feel pain again.
*Mild Hetero Sex Warning*
So he kisses her neck, whispered to her how much he wanted, needed, wished to be with her. How he realized that she would let him have her, take her the moment he said so. So he hurriedly pushed in, while she slammed the door, and hungrily groped his body, his face, chest and her hands rummaging through his buttons, teasing his erection, stroking it with delicate fingers. And…how she never knew that he coos under his breath every time she touches him, kisses him, rubbing and squeezing his hard self that Seungri appears.
Seungri! Seungri! Seungri! Every time and Kwon Ji Yong cursed at the images, angry and disoriented at his weakness. Fowl words ‘FUCK!’ ‘SHIT’ would make her giggles and enticed her on. He pushed and rub himself against her warm body as she wildly moan in his ears and he would closes his eyes trying so hard to not think or whispered Seungri’s name.
So maybe all that and Kwon Ji Yong was not satisfied. Their bodies tumbled onto her bed, Ji Yong’s pants hung low and he stumbled trying to put on the rubber. She moaned, and mewl watching, drooling at his size, while stripping. Then he would ride her, never made a sound, crying as he sees Seungri form hovering above her, watching them. Maybe…maybe even at this he had failed too. Kwon Ji Yong’s plan didn’t work at all for he cringes at her form afterward. Pushing her sleeping body off of him, he rubbed his tears stained face. Like motion one, two, three, Ji Yong got up, got dressed and got out.
Maybe Ji Yong gave up. Because he knows that pushing everything away does not make them vanished. So he embraced Seungri’s memories as he cried like a baby over his steering wheel. And when he is done he would park and then walk into the streets. Wandering in the cold night air, feeling like this might be satisfying because he is numb. Then he would smiles staring into the gift store jogging any ideas of what to get for Christmas that might makes Seungri smiles. Once that happened then he might find himself again.
Maybe…maybe…but then that would never matter if he finds himself or not… because Seungri left him.
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