Fan Fiction |
by Wingless_anjo
Through Junior High and High school lots of girls liked him. Many asked him out,
but he rejected them all. As for me, I’ve had a couple of guys ask me out, back then I was
dumb and wanted to be cool so I said yes to most. Every break up I had, Micky was
there for me. Weird isn’t it? I have a best friend and he’s a guy, I have girl friends too,
but I couldn’t tell them much, not as much as I could tell Micky. He was very funny. He made me laugh every time I was down.
“Suel Gi,” he said.
“What?”
“I like you…”
“I do too Micky!” I said.
“No…I mean the other way.” he said.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I like you Seul Gi….” he said.
“Ha! Very funny Mickey!”
“Oh, darn!! You didn’t fall for that?”
“You’re dumb!” I said. He told me he liked me a lot, lots of times. It ended up being a joke, but the first time he told me, he looked like he meant it. And I swore he looked hurt when I laughed at it.
*************************
When my dad died, I pushed away every single one of my friends. I ignored all of
them, they all grew tired of trying to comfort me so they all left me, but Mickey was
always there no matter how much pain I was to him, he was always there for me. He was
there to laugh with me when I was happy, he was there to cry with me when I was sad, he
there to give me a hug when I needed one and not once did he let me down. He was
always like a brother to me. I cherished him very much.
“Seul Gi,” He said as he looked down at his feet.
“Yes? You got something to say?” I asked him as I tried to look at his face.
“I ……. I think I got to go!” he said as he looked up and smiled at me. Than he
took off. Weird, he’s been doing this for the past few weeks. We’re spending less time
with each other nowadays. He’s always busy doing something. One day I decided to call him because he hasn’t called for a couple of days.
“Hello?” His mom answered.
“Hi Mrs. Park! Is Micky there?” I asked.
“No Hon, he’s not here.” she answered.
“Oh, may I ask where he is?”
“He has another check up at the hospital again, They’re running over some tests so he might not come home today.” She answered.
“Check up for what?”
“He’s been very sick lately…. Didn’t he tell you about it?” she asked me.
“Um, I have to go.” I said then hung up on her. Sick Was this what he was trying to tell me? I was mad because he didn’t tell me. He also didn’t call for days. I was worried, but at the same time I was mad. He couldn’t tell me he was sick! What kind of friend is that? But I do try to keep Cool and call him. But as days goes by he got sicker…he still haven’t called or visited. One day though, he DID call.
“Seul Gi, Can you come visit me?” he asked.
“Why can’t you come over?!” I asked him.
“I…I can’t.”
“And why not?” I asked getting mad at him.
“I can’t because…. I’m in the hospital.” he answered. Guilt shot through me. I was so mean to him.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?!” I asked getting mad again. I never liked to sound weak and emotional in front of people when I did something that hurt them I would just ignore it and hope they forget about it, that’s probably why I don’t have many friends.
“I couldn’t, can you just come over and see me?”
“Fine!” I said. He gave me his room number and told me which hospital he was staying at. I left right away. I missed him so much. I was so lonely with out him. When I got to his room at the hospital I couldn’t enter, not because they didn‘t let me but because I couldn‘t . I hate the smell of hospitals. I hate it! I couldn’t enter, but I had to be brave, I had to be brave for him.
“Hi Seul Gi!” he said smiling crazily as I entered. I tried to smile at him but the smile didn’t come out. He was hooked onto all kinds of machine. The smell of the room made me think of my dad. I couldn’t take it, it was hard for me to visit him everyday, I hated it. Back then, when my dad was in the hospital he would always visit us in the hospital like I was in the hospital. But, when Micky was at the hospital, all I did was visit him once every weeks for about ten minutes only. I only thought about myself. His condition was worsening. My visits were stopping too. I made new friends at school since Mickey is always at the hospital. I was selfish. I left him when he needed me the most. When I needed him, he was always there, but when he needed me, I was too scared and ran away. My visits went from once a weeks to once a month, then to never visiting anymore.
************************
I pushed Mickey out of my life just like that. I haven’t heard from him in five months. One day he called.
“Seul Gi,” a voice said sadly on the other line.
“Uh, Hi Mickey!” I said to him. I almost didn’t recognize his voice
“Seul Gi I have to tell you something.”
“Uh, ok.”
“Seul Gi, I… the doctors said I don’t have much time anymore.” My heart ached. My throat clogged up, tears formed. I couldn’t say anything.
“Seul Gi, I want you to come see me. I only have about three weeks left. And I want to make the best out of it.” he said. I can tell he was crying. I too let out a cry and started to sob.
“Mickey, I, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a bad friend.” was all I could’ve said. I didn’t visit him though. I felt so bad. So many guilt in me. My heart was hurting like crazy. A couple of weeks later I got a call from his mom.
“Seul Gi…..” she said as she sobbed.
“Mrs. Park,” I said. Right when I heard her cry my heart jumped all over the place. Aching. Please let Mickey be ok…. Please tell me she’s crying from joy instead of sorrow.
“Mickey, left us last night….” she said in a whisper, barely audible. Hot tears streamed down my eyes as my nose stung and my heart dead. I hung up the phone and slide down to the floor and broke down. What kind of friend had I been to him? I was a bad friend wasn’t I? I wasn’t there when he needed me most. He was always there for me, when I needed him, but when he needed me I ran away because I was scared to be there.
Oh heck! I didn’t even know what kind of disease he got! And he knows every little thing going on in my life. He knows what happened to me by just looking at my face. And I didn’t even have to tell him anything.
I attended his funeral. It was sad and depressing. Lots of people from school came. Even the principle is here. I just sat in the back of the church and cried. My friends just sat next to me. If only Mickey was here, he would’ve given me a hug and said everything would be okay. But he’s gone, gone forever.
*********************
I spent two weeks at home crying of my loss, blaming myself for what happened. None of my friends called. They thought that if they gave me space and left me be alone I would be fine. If only Mickey was here he would’ve came over and comfort me. After two weeks I went back to school. After a few month everything went back to normal. But I still carried this heavy guilt in my heart. I lost the bestest friend anyone can have in this world, because I was being selfish. If only I was there for him, he would’ve still be here. If only I wasn’t so selfish he would’ve still be here. If only I cared enough he would’ve still be here. But I wasn’t there for him, so now he’s gone. I was selfish, so now he’s gone. I wasn’t caring enough, so now he’s gone, and it’s all my fault.
**********************
Today is the one year anniversary for Mickey’s death. The heavy guilt from his death lifted and is lighter now. But it’s still there. Maybe I’ll learn how to forgive myself. After paying a visit to his grave I came back home. There was a letter for me, it was from Mickey. Maybe it’s just a prank someone is trying to play on me. How can Mickey send me a letter? I took it and was about to throw it away, but something inside told me I had to read it. So I took it and went to my room. Closed the and locked it. I opened up the envelope and took out a letter. Tears started to gush down my face as soon as I saw the hand writing on it. It was him. I could barely read the letter because my vision was blurred from all the tears. Just when I thought I was feeling better something had to come back. I tried to stop crying but couldn’t.
Hours later after that I tried to read the letter again, but than again, tears started to come. But not as much anymore, so I started reading…..
Hey Seul Gi!
This is Mickey. By the time you receive this letter you probably forgot about me. Remember me? Your best friend from elementary through high school? Well, I wanted my parent to give you this letter on my death anniversary. Today is the day right? Well Seul gi, I wanted to spend my last weeks with you but I guess you couldn’t come. I wanted to tell you something. I really like you Seul Gi maybe even love you. You hurted me real bad by ignoring me these past few months. I felt heart broken, I thought we had something special, Seul Gi. Guess what! I can go to London to get my heart transplant! Isn’t that great? It is isn’t it? But I didn’t go. It’s just a waste anyways, because… I lost a very good friend, so what difference would it make if I lost my life? Life isn’t always easy Seul Gi, I don‘t want you to get all depressed and cry like crazy over me. I know you would do that because I‘m your friend and friends are there to understand each other. I‘m really grateful that during my whole life time, I got to be with you Seul Gi, because you were the bestest friend ever! And it was really nice listening to you talk.… Well Seul Gi I hope you find that guy of your dreams and stop getting dumped by all those stupid jerks okay? Well….I just want you to know that you really brighten my day for just being there and for that I thank you very much!
-Always your best buddy,
Mickey Park Yoo Chun
Everyday on wards I would read the letter again and again. For weeks I just cried reading the letter. I just cried and cried. But now whenever I read it. It brings a smile to my face. I know that he’ll always me with me and he’ll always help me through all my hard times. So when ever I feel down or depressed I bring out the letter and read it. Whenever I do it seems like he’s talking to me. It seems like he’s still here. I’m glad I was once his friend because I learned a lot. I learned how to love and care for people from him. I learned that a friend is not someone who is there to gossip with but to talk to and to lean on. A best friend is a sibling that God forgot to give us………