Fan Fiction |
by sileNt_rOse
sileNt
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Jay stood up, feeling restless. His muscles ached from sitting on the wooden bench too long. He started to pace around the small room. The faint whiff of medicine filled his nostrils. He crossed his arms, glancing anxiously now and then at the clock on the wall, watching the seconds ticked by. It had been a full hour since he had sent Suzz into the hospital. The doctor and nurses had lay her on a mobile bed with wheels, and brought her into the operation room. And since then, Jay had been waiting with a sense of dread in the waiting room. Too caught up with his own thoughts, he was vaguely aware of the two shadow-like figures in the room until a harsh yet quiet voice called out. “Are you Jay?”
He turned. There stood, right in front of him, a couple. Jay stared at them curiously. They looked oddly familiar, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. Jay noticed the wrinkles upon their foreheads, and knew that they were much, much older than he was. Although they seemed old, they both had a sense of authority projecting within them. Jay instinctively took a step backwards, nodding his head in reply to the man’s question.
The man grunted. We’re Suzz’s parents, he had said simply. Something clicked in Jay’s mind as the man told him. No wonder they looked familiar, Jay thought, they looked like the somewhat older version of Suzz. Jay greeted them politely. “Uncle,” he faced Suzz’s father, “Auntie” he nodded at the woman. Suzz’s father did not show any expression, but her mother smiled. Jay felt himself smiling in return. She had reminded him of his own mother, who had died when he was still young. A terrible longing for a mother’s love suddenly overwhelmed Jay. The woman in front of him seemed to sense his feeling, and reached out to squeeze his hand. “Suzz had told us a lot about you, Jay.”
Jay raised an amused eyebrow. Suzz’s mother laughed; a soft chuckle, rather, but nevertheless brightened his mood. What did she say about me? Jay asked curiously. “Well,” Suzz’s mother folded her arms. Jay noticed the similarity of both mother’s and daughter’s actions. “Suzz said you’re a very talented person, especially when it comes to music. In fact, she had just told us yesterday that she had written down the song you both played the first time you two met.” She leaned closer to him. “Suzz loved that song so much,” she said softly. “And I can see the reason why.”
Jay was surprised and amazed at the same time. He couldn’t imagine Suzz write down every single note of the lengthy piece, though he knew perfectly Suzz is those kind of people that actually took the time to savor and enjoy every small thing life have to offer. That is why he had liked her so much. It was her innocent view to life that attracted him to her. Jay was not much unlike her in many ways; somehow, they shared a mutual bond that neither word nor song could possibly describe... yet they both had understood without the other explaining.
It was that same mutual bond that made him feel the pain she was going through at this very moment, as if they can communicate just by feeling. An expression of concern mingled with anxiety crossed his face, and Jay frowned. His mind recalled the day’s earlier events, which seemed to be a bit of a blur now as it happened so fast. He remembered rushing over to Suzz’s side when she started to sway and fall, and managed to catch her before she reached the ground. It had seemed so natural to have her in his arms, if only she wasn’t looking so pale and almost lifeless. Jay had acted fast: pulling her to her feet and carrying her down the stairs. Thank goodness she was light, Jay thought gratefully, as he remembered how panicky he was when he reached the library. Fortunately the librarian was still there, and they had rushed her to the nearest hospital. There, he hadn’t say much except to describe to the nurses there what happened. All he did was to hold Suzz’s cold hand tightly and whispering to her, reassuring her that he will be there for her no matter what happens.
He watched helplessly as the group of doctors brought her into the operation room. One nurse told him to stay in the waiting room. After everything that had happened, he had still the sense to call Suzz’s house, hoping and hoping that someone would pick up the phone. Finally, after what seemed like ages to Jay, a person answered. The lady said she was the servant. Jay had been surprised; Suzz didn’t mention anything about having servants in her home. But he quickly brushed that thought aside. Trying to maintain his calmness, Jay informed the lady about Suzz. The rise in her shrill voice frightened him but Jay tried to comfort her as he told her to call Suzz’s parents. The lady didn’t even thank him and slammed down the phone. After the phone call, Jay had returned to the waiting room, found it empty, and sat on the leather couch. And he had remained restless and worried until Suzz’s parents appeared.
Suzz’s mother noticed the change in his expression. “Don’t frown, dear,” she said in a motherly fashion. “Suzz wouldn’t like that.” Jay couldn’t help but notice the quiver in her voice when she spoke of her daughter. He looked up, and saw the unmistakable tears glistening in her eyes, reflecting his own image in those sad, brown eyes. Suzz must have inherited her beauty from her mother, Jay thought, still pondering at how the two women looked so much alike.
“Auntie,” he said, his voice growing grave. “Suzz fainted. I hope it’s nothing serious.” To his bewilderment, she didn’t say anything nor react to his words. Jay got a distinct feeling that she was trying to avoid looking at him. He turned towards the man who was now standing beside the glass window, looking out, deep in thought. The room was engulfed in a sudden, almost overwhelming silence. Jay waited for them to speak. The two of them stood where they are, like stone statues. No trace of expression or emotion could be detected on their suddenly icy cold face. An unknown terror filled Jay’s heart; he longed for comforting words… words that could reassure him that everything would be all right. Finally, Suzz’s father stirred. He started walking towards the younger man, wearing a stern yet subtle look that seemed to heighten Jay’s fears. Amid his newfound fears, Jay felt a queer sense of authority around him that can only be found in people who are very sure of themselves. He recalled Suzz telling him that her parents worked as lawyers.
When he spoke, Jay knew that this man was a man with few words, yet the words he spoke carries great meaning. “Did Suzz told you anything about her…” His voice trailed off. Jay shook his head, not quite understanding what the older man was trying to say. Suzz’s father sighed exasperatedly. “Suzz had told you about us moving here, if I’m not mistaken?” Jay nodded. “Have you ever wonder why we moved here?” Jay was about to shook his head when he remembered the way Suzz had hurriedly brushed the topic aside. The hurt and pain he had felt had not really faded, leaving a certain emptiness in him whenever he thought of it.
“I have,” Jay said quietly. “At times.” His eyes were as if glued to the carpeted floor, avoiding Suzz’s father’s penetrating stare. When he finally found the courage to look up, he almost gasped. The change in the older man’s expression was drastic. His eyes were hauntingly sad; the fire in it had been extinguished. He no longer had the stern, wise look on his face; tiredness seemed to transform him into the old man that he actually is. Jay watched as the wrinkles on his forehead became visible, and he thought that he could actually see white hair growing. “Suzz,” his voice had dropped to barely above a whisper. “My daughter… she…” Before he could continue, a nurse burst into the room. All three of them turned to look at her, startled.
“Excuse me,” she said, flushed. “Who is the patient’s family members?” Suzz’s parents quickly stepped forward. “This way please.” The nurse led them out of the room. Just before they quickened their pace to follow the nurse, Jay managed to glance at their expression. Their deadly white face frightened Jay, as he was left alone in the eerily silent room, asking himself questions in which he had no answers.
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Suzz stared blankly up at the white ceiling. Her parents left her just a minute ago, tear-stricken and crying when they went away. The news they brought… Suzz couldn’t bring herself to accept it, willing it all to be just a dream, a nightmare that would end once she find a way to wake up. But deep inside, she was scolding herself, putting the blame on herself for bringing endless sufferings to her family. Why was I even born? A tear rolled down her cheeks. Without me, the world would probably be a better place, especially for my parents.
And why did it have to happen to me? Suzz’s eyes were moist from the tears that were pouring mercilessly down her cheeks, her vision blurred. Suzz didn’t bother to wipe them away. It was the first time she had cried anyway. She had remained strong despite what she had been going through, reminding herself that no matter what happens, she still have her family to get her support from. But today, after what she had been told, the floodgates of emotion seemed to open, and tears were freely cascading down her cheeks. All her resistance broke down; all her hopes were dashed, gone like the wind. All this while, she had been acting, trying to cover up her insecurity inside, putting on a mask to prevent others from knowing the truth about her. Once when she was young, she had told a kindergarten friend the truth, and the friend rejected her friendship and treated her coldly, as though she had wanted nothing to do with Suzz. Suzz knew it was the immaturity of the friend to keep away from her, yet she couldn’t put aside the hurt that comes with the rejection. A deep, hollow emptiness settled within her, and she vowed never to tell anyone, not even her close friends, in fear of experiencing the hurt and pain again.
Suzz closed her eyes, remembering the words her mother just uttered.
“Suzz,” her mother had sat on a chair beside her bed. “We’re so, so sorry.” She had reached out to hold Suzz’s hand. Suzz looked at her questioningly. When there was no reply, she turned to look at her father, hoping that he would at least give a hint on what was happening. But to her confusion, her father’s face was cold, expressionless, with no trace of emotion in those eyes. She faced her mother again. Between sobs, her mother managed to say.
“The doctor says, your condition suddenly worsen, and that the symptoms are similar to those of the chronic stage. I’m sorry, Suzz, but the doctor… he says… you have less than six months… to live.”
Since young, Suzz had been burdened by many heart problems. By the age of five, she had undergone three surgeries to close up the hole in her heart. For a period of time, she went for therapy sessions that helped her tremendously. Then, Suzz remembered the fateful day where fate struck. She was having PE lessons with her class, and she was jumping and running around like any other children. Suddenly, she noticed a sharp pain in her chest. Thinking that it was nothing serious, she ignored the pain. But soon, it became so unbearable that she dropped to the ground and fainted.
Once at the hospital, the doctor told her parents that there was a cancerous tumor growing in her heart. The doctor suggested surgery to remove the tumor, but gave them no guarantee of permanently removing it. He also warned them that the operation had its own risk since Suzz was but eight years of age. Terrified as they were, Suzz’s parents had agreed to go along with the surgery. Being millionaires, Suzz’s parents could afford the heavy sum that comes along with Suzz’s surgery. They requested for the best heart surgeon in the whole hospital to perform the surgery on their only child. After hours of uncertainty and fear, the surgeon left the operation room but not before assuring that the surgery was successful.
That was eight years ago, and after the operation, Suzz resumed her active life as a kid. But not long after stepping into high school, when she was fifteen, old problems resurfaced. Suzz had blackouts where she fainted and woke up two to three days later. After several months of constant worrying and sleepless nights, Suzz’s doctor, now a family friend recommended going to US to undergo another surgery by a heart-specialist cum surgeon. The successful rate, the doctor told them, is higher as the surgeon was reputed as one of the best in the world, and the chance of reducing the tumor’s growth was bigger. Luckily, the surgeon was the doctor’s close friend, and Suzz will be given priority.
And that was how Suzz ended up here in US. Her parents bought a house, a mansion to be specific, and sent Suzz to a nearby school. They had met up with the surgeon, and what he said deeply unsettled them. According to him, the tumor was bigger than before and the cancerous cells were spreading fast. An open-heart surgery is almost inevitable. But Suzz refused to do it; not because of fear, but because she realized that life is short, and the mere thought of staying in the hospital, confined to the four walls of the room was enough to give her nightmares. She loved her freedom, and with that she reasoned out with her parents. Surprisingly and much to her astonishment, they understood. Without any arguments, Suzz’s parents agreed that Suzz could do whatever she like, and that they would not forced her into doing something she don’t like. Whatever you do, they had advised her, just don’t regret doing it.
So far, Suzz was happy with her life, though she knew that the end would come soon, since she didn’t accept open-heart surgery as the only solution. If she were to die this very second, she would have done it willingly. But… fate struck at the most unpredictable moment. She met Jay, the extremely talented boy who she came to befriend and eventually love. And Jay… the thought of leaving Jay alone in this world was unbearable. He had managed to bring out her true self that she had been hiding from everyone else, including herself. And for that, she was grateful towards him. The tale could have ended there, and they will remain forever as close friends. But no… it became complicated after that unexpected kiss from him…
Suzz touched her lips lightly with the tip of her finger, reliving the moment when she felt his lips on hers. She realized in a sudden that her feelings for Jay were not merely infatuation, but something even more. She now understood why her heart beat ever so fast whenever she sat near him, or the reason why she felt an overwhelming longing to run her fingers through his jet-black hair. It all made sense to her now. She had loved him before she even knew that love exist. All the memories in the music room was so fondly remembered as though it was just yesterday, and the intricate details of his fine features were vividly sketched into her mind. Suzz’s lips parted slightly, a faint hint of a smile displayed on them.
The room was silent except for her shallow breathing and the dull ticking of a nearby clock. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, entertaining herself with thoughts of Jay when all of sudden she heard the door of her room creaked open. The thick carpets muffled the footsteps, but nevertheless, Suzz felt a presence. Not bothering to open her eyes, thinking that it was her mother who just want to take a look at her before going back to work, Suzz relaxed her muscles and she felt sleep overcoming her. But she was immediately jerked back to reality when she heard an almost inaudible “Suzz” from the person that she thought was her mother. The whisper hadn’t sound like her mother’s voice, Suzz thought. She fluttered her eyelids open. The blinding light caused her to squirm a little as she adjusted to it. Turning a little to her left, Suzz thought she could just make out the outlines of a tall person standing in front of her bed. She shook her head fervently, trying to focus onto blurry image, though she somehow knew that it was he…
Hello, he greeted her solemnly. Hi, she replied. They looked at each other quietly, though their eyes avoided contact. Jay knew the reason why. She didn’t have the courage to talk to him, just like him not so long ago. Suzz’s parents came back to the waiting room after what seemed like an eternity. Jay had jumped up as they walked in, feeling a little afraid on what they have to say. He had glanced at them nervously, observing their every movement, their expression. For a moment, silence engulfed them as Jay waited for them to speak. Suzz’s mother made the first move. She walked unsteadily towards Jay; when she was near enough, she hugged him in a motherly fashion. Taken by surprise, Jay could only stare ahead while Suzz’s mother sobbed. When she pulled away, Jay saw the immense sadness in her eyes. No words were exchanged between the three of them. They left the room, leaving Jay in a much-confused state than before. Few minutes later, they returned. Tears were visibly flowing down his cheeks as Suzz’s father went up towards him. He rested his hand on Jay’s shoulder, looking at him wordlessly. Finally, the older man spoke in a tired voice: “Go see my daughter; she needs you.” With such urgency in his tone, Jay practically ran to her room, afraid that he would find her lying there lifeless and dead. Much to his relief, Suzz was still alive. Jay watched with a smile as her chest rose and fell rhythmically. He took a step forward, yet he hesitated, not wanting to break the sleeping spell in which she had looked so peaceful. He halted, fully appreciating the gift Heaven sent to him. Whispering a “goodbye Suzz”, he was about to turn away when she stirred.
He was still standing at the edge of her bed when Suzz said ‘hi’. She motioned him to sit beside her bed. Jay did so wordlessly. He gazed at her, expertly avoiding her eyes. What happened? He wanted to ask, but decided that Suzz will tell him when it is time for her to tell. The wound of the other day’s conversation still held fresh in his heart.
“You’re wondering, aren’t you?” Suzz’s gentle voice interrupted his thoughts. Jay reddened and shook his head, almost defiantly. Suzz chuckled softly, color rushing onto her pale face. “You’re a terrible liar,” she teased, and coughed. The whole bed shook as she experienced a coughing fit. Jay leaned forward worriedly and touched her icy-cold hand, intertwining his fingers with hers unconsciously. When the fit stopped, Suzz breathed normally. Jay was suddenly aware of his hand clutching hers tightly, and let go in one swift motion. Suzz blushed, retreating her hand under the blanket.
“Sorry” was what poor Jay, his face as red as beet root, managed to mumble. Suzz smiled nervously. Silence engulfed them again. No one spoke; the both of them felt each other’s need to just savor the other’s presence. Finally, Jay stood up, announcing that he needed to go. “Take care,” he said, not at all wanting to leave, but Suzz seemed tired. Suzz kept silent. Jay turned around; feeling a little hurt, and began to walk towards the door.
“Don’t you want to know what happened?” Suzz’s voice called out. Jay stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t answer her; instead, he stared at the flower-motive wallpaper in front of him. “Jay…” Suzz’s tone sounded desperate. Sighing softly, Jay faced her. Her eyes were moist, her voice raw with emotion. “Jay,” she choked. “I’ve got a cancerous tumor in my heart.” She paused, turning away from Jay’s disbelief stare. “The doctor said I might –” Suzz swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing no easy way to tell him, she blurted out simply. “– die.”
Jay felt as though all his breath had been knocked out of him as he took in the words, one by one. He felt suffocated. Suzz? Die? Jay questioned himself. You can’t die… Jay leaned against the wall for support, staring blankly ahead. You’re an angel! Angels don’t die…
He needed fresh air. His mind was in a complete whirl. The room seemed to spin with Jay in the center. Suzz’s words was repeated over and over again… I might die… I might die…
Jay ran out of the room. Suzz’s voice sounded distant to him as she called out to him. He ignored her pleas, running and running until he reached a desolated spot. There, he crumbled to the floor and the first of tears became to appear.
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[Posted on 11/11/2002 1.58PM]