Fan Fiction |
by sileNt_rOse
Here's some others that's worth a mention here:
CherryD - Thanks, Zoe, for your messages always bring a smile to my face. Just love it. Blab more, okay? Thanks again. ^_^
chinita - Hey, don't be too surprised. It's just that, well, I'm touched. ^_^ Thank you for all your comments and flattering praises. ^_^
Cherian - Thanks mei (or should it be jie?). Appreciate all your comments. I really, really love them. *hUgz*
Isn't it a coincedence that all those people whom I mentioned above all have "C" for their initials? Heheheh. Eerie.
yOurs,
sileNt
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Suzz grabbed the doorknob, resting her hand onto it. She was hesitated to open it. What if she saw him in there? What would she say? “Hi Jay, what’s up?” She could just picture an extremely pathetic image of her saying that to Jay. She sighed, twisted the doorknob and gave it a gentle push. It was empty. Suzz heaved, feeling relieved. She closed the door softly. Walking towards the windows, she drew open the curtains. Light streamed in to the cool music room. She crossed the room to the piano. It was shiny as ever. Suzz ran her fingers through the keys, feeling the familiar touch of passion for music tugging at her heartstring. She sat down. From her schoolbag, she retrieved a stack of papers and placed it on the piano. She stared at it; it was the score for their song. Suzz liked to refer to that song as ‘their song’, just because it was their first song together. Suzz glanced at the notes, and rested her hand on the keyboard.
Memories began flooding her thoughts. In the stillness of the afternoon, and the coolness of the music room, Suzz could hear Jay’s voice as he tells her a joke. It sounded far away, as if the voice belonged to another distant world, a sweet dream. Closing her eyes, she could picture the both of them sitting on the piano chair. The image was so real, so vivid, and so clear. Jay would be brightening up her day with a joke, and Suzz would laugh until she cried. Suzz smiled, reminiscing the happy times they had went through together in this room.
Jay, she felt herself calling out. A longing to talk to him overcame her. It had been three weeks since that incident in the hospital. Suzz had told him everything, and it was up to him to accept her. Suzz was disappointed; she thought Jay LOVED her. Suzz bit back the urge to scream. Why wouldn’t he accept me as what I am? Suzz found herself thinking. Since that day, Jay had totally ignored her. It was as if Suzz was never a part of his life, and that she was non-existent.
The day when she was finally able to leave the hospital she had practically ran towards the piano room, hoping to catch Jay. She had missed him… a lot. Those uneventful days in the hospital passed by with Suzz thinking more and more of Jay. And that kiss… Somehow, Suzz knew he loved her. Not just infatuation, but true love. And she loved him, now that she had finally came to realize it. She halted suddenly when she reached the door, took a deep breath and smiled. She pushed open the door. She had half-expected Jay sitting on the chair beside the window, a shining violin on his lap, eyes closed, savoring the music. But he wasn’t there, nor is he by the piano. Suzz had frowned, and glanced at her wrist watch. He should be here by now, considering the fact that he is usually very punctual.
Maybe he’s late, Suzz had reasoned with herself, settling comfortably on the armchair at a corner of the room. Soon, she drifted to sleep, dreaming constantly of a certain tall figure with a baseball cap shading his eyes and a smile that is rather distant yet Suzz felt its warmth. She awoke and broke into a cold sweat as she recalled the last dream. Jay had refused to see her on her death bed, and she had passed away in remorse, disappointment. Suzz repeated silently the words she had used to describe her dream… death bed… passed away. She shivered, and glanced at her watch again. She had been sleeping for nearly two hours. She looked around; no sign of Jay. The piano lid remained closed. The violin was lying in the same position two hours earlier. Suzz’s heart dropped, her enthusiasm to meet Jay faded. Well, she thought to herself, cheerfully, maybe he has got something to do today. He’ll turn up tomorrow.
But he didn’t the next day. And so is the day after next, and next, and next. The days stretched to weeks, and it had thus been three weeks since she last talked to him. For the first two weeks, Suzz had been faithfully coming back to the music room in the afternoon, hoping against hope that Jay will be there one day. But that tiny flicker of hope began to fade as day after day, Suzz returned to the room only to find emptiness, solitude. Once or twice, she saw Jay during school recess, and longed to ask him why. But the icy-cold look his face wore dampened her determination. For the past whole week, Suzz hadn’t been into the music room. She suddenly felt tired, given up hope that Jay will be there. Jay had made his message clear to Suzz that he did not want anything to do with her.
A drop of tear trickled down her cheeks. It was as if the moments they spent together in this room had never exist… as if the long conversations they had are just whisperings in the wind… the bond she thought they shared was just a figment of her imagination. I thought he would accept me, Suzz thought bitterly, wiping her eyes fiercely. But in the end, he is just the same as the others. The familiar hurt rushed through her, only this time it was stronger, deeper and more painful. Suzz felt her heart ached with the heaviness of those emotions.
I don’t want him to be the same as the others. Tears began to swell in her eyes. I just want him to care for me. Is that too much to ask? Suzz buried her head in her hands.
~*
He paused at the door. Did he just hear something? Nah, Jay shook his head. He glanced at his watch. Good, one hour earlier that the usual time, he thought to himself, grimacing as the memories of the past few weeks entered his mind.
He had done his best to avoid Suzz after that incident in the hospital. And to do so, he stopped going to the music room for fear of meeting her there. Ironically, he couldn’t understand the reason why he is doing all this just to make himself suffer. All he knew was that if he sees and talks to Suzz again, he will break down in front of her. He wanted so much to comfort her, to be there when she needed him. To just feel her feminine presence next to him was enough to leave him breathless. If only he had the courage to go up to her and say “I love you”…
But Jay couldn’t. He couldn’t say it out, not even when he is alone. All the people that he had come to love had died, leaving him alone in this cruel, senseless world. He loved his father… he loved his mother… and they had died when he was so young. He will never have the chance to serve them when they are old. All his love ones died, first his parents, now Suzz will follow them to a world, a world where they would be able to look down and be his guardian. He had learnt to cope with his parents’ death as time heals, but Suzz… hers would leave a deep impact not only in his heart, but his whole soul. He didn’t want to experience the heart wrenching grief that comes with death again. He want to remember Suzz as she once was: sweet, passionate, and of course, loving. He don’t want to see her lying on the bed, lifeless, her face pale as death itself. Jay couldn’t bear to bring himself to wish her goodbye when it is the time for him to bid farewell. And the only way to save himself from another sorrowful ending, he decided to let go… let go of this beautiful friendship that they had built. It was the only solution that Jay was forced to take. At least when it is the time for her to go, good-byes will be easier to say. And perhaps, Jay thought silently, just perhaps, I will learn to forget her.
He swung open the door noiselessly and froze. He didn’t think that Suzz would be there so early. She was resting her head on her arms, which were lying on the piano, as though sleeping. If it is not for the upcoming classical concert he was supposed to perform, Jay wouldn’t have come back to this room only to face the feelings he had tried so hard to bottle up in him. It wasn’t as if Jay didn't have a piano at home; he had a beautiful acoustic piano bought for him when he was but four. Then, Jay, still a toddler, had needed help in getting up the seat. Now, at the age of sixteen, he could play the songs that even professionals have trouble completing the pieces, beautifully and perfectly harmonized. But for no apparent reason, Jay couldn’t bring himself to play the song he had chosen for that day. It was as if he needed the special ambience of the music room to play the song… and it is there where he first met her. Also, Jay felt disconnected with his music after spending afternoons trying to concentrate on studying but ended up thinking of her instead. And because of that, Jay decided to take the risk to come back to the music room; an hour earlier to avoid any awkward meetings.
Jay stared stonily at the figure in front of him, her back facing him. Then, his expression softened, watching her silently. I missed you so much… Jay’s lips parted upwards. The familiar rush of tingling sensation flooded him, as his eyes rested on her. A few seconds ticked by with Jay standing by the door, too afraid to move in case it may wake her up. Suddenly, Jay realized something. Suzz trembled, undetectable at first, then it became more obvious. His first thought was that Suzz is having some problems breathing, and was about to run to her side when he heard a sob. Jay stopped in his tracks, too stunned to move. Suzz stirred, and Jay took a step back, ready to run if she turn. Instead, the sobs were louder. Jay felt a sharp pang of sadness. Suzz… crying? His heart felt like it was shattered into million pieces. He had never seen her cried before. But he couldn’t understand: how could a sight be so heart wrenching yet so hauntingly beautiful? That was what he felt. His vision blurred, as his eyes became moist. Is she crying because of me? A desire to comfort her overcame him. This is just the perfect chance to say ‘I’m sorry’, Jay reasoned with himself. But his feet stayed glued to the floor, stubbornly refusing to bulge. I’m sorry Suzz, Jay whispered to himself, knowing that he would never forgive himself for being a coward, and ran outside the room.
Once out of the music room, Jay didn’t feel suffocated anymore. But another feeling replaced his heart: guilt. Leaning against the wall outside, he ran his fingers through his hair, and let himself slide down the smooth wall until he was sitting on the floor. Suzz, he wanted to tell her, I’m sorry. Terribly sorry.
~*
Suzz’s fragile body trembled as wave after wave of sadness hit her. Jay, she whispered his name, sitting up as she did so. Why did you have to do this to me?
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Updating at light speed now. ^_^ As I've said before, the story's only 11 chapters. The ending will be here soon. ^_^ Thanks again, everyone.
[Posted on 12/11/2002 6.25PM]