Fan Fiction |
by sileNt_rOse
tarogal - Linda dear!!! Thanks for everything, okay? 11 chapters might be short, but hey, you guys still love it, right? ^_^
deels - DEELS!!! Thanks for being an ardent follower in all of my stories. ^_^ Love ya!!!
Julia - Somehow I think it'll be unlikely if you'll ever see this. But I just wanna say, THANK YOU for just being there for me. You're the best-est (cyber) friend one can ever get. ^_^ And yeah, football rules!!!
sileNt
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Jay stood up, and walked towards the row of windows at the other side of the room. He halted by one of the window overlooking the school’s garden. He pushed open the window. The fresh smell of blooming flowers immediately filled the air as a gentle breeze blew. Jay took a deep breath, enjoying the scenery below. Nobody was in sight. The air was still, birds were chirping softly in a faraway tree. Jay looked up at the cloudless sky. The late afternoon sun cast weak shadows on the ground. It was warm, but not humid. Jay closed the window and crossed the room towards the piano. Although he didn’t switch on the air-conditioner, the room was still cool amid the hot weather.
He sat on the chair, his back leaning against the piano. He massaged his tired fingers; he had been playing for the past one and a half-hour, since the school bell rang for dismissal. An almost magnetic pull seemed to drag him into the music room. He practiced the song for the concert, which he realized in alarm that it was on Saturday next week, approximately nine days from that day. He hadn’t been going near his piano at home lately, let alone practice. His mind had been constantly intruded with thoughts of homework, studies and of course, Suzz. Not seeing much of her lately, he decided to come to the music room, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. But to his utter disappointment, Suzz wasn’t there that day. Maybe I’m too early, Jay thought. Or maybe, his face fell, she didn’t want to come here anymore.
Jay heaved, and the chair had creaked under his shift of weight. Suddenly, a flash of white caught his eye as he glanced down at the foot of the piano. It was partially hidden under the shadows, which explained why Jay hadn’t notice it earlier. Jay stooped down and picked ‘it’ up. Scores, Jay thought, recognizing the musical notes written on it. Someone must have accidentally dropped it here. Jay placed the papers on the piano, and spread them out, so he could read and play them. Three pages, he muttered to himself.
He poised his hands on the keyboard, inhaled sharply, and began to play. As soon as he started the first note, something struck him. It sounded familiar. Nevertheless, he continued. Although this was the first time he came across these scores, Jay played the whole piece effortlessly, without so much of pausing. The longer he played, the more he felt that he had somewhat heard the song before. But his mind couldn’t recall anything. I’d played this song before, Jay concluded finally, ending the piece softly. Realization hit him: Could it be…?
The door burst open suddenly, causing Jay to jump up. He turned around, wondering what had happened. His heart had nearly stopped beating when he saw who it was. He broke into a cold sweat, adjusted his cap, and mumbled something like a ‘hello’, his eyes were like permanently fixed to the floor.
Oh, Suzz said breathlessly. She was still panting and gasping for air after running up three flight of stairs to get to the music room in time. She thought she heard someone playing ‘their song’. Blaming herself for being so careless to leave the papers the day before, she could only feel fear rising when she rushed back to the school after a quick lunch, praying that the papers will still be there. What if someone took them? Suzz scolded herself.
The music stopped when she reached the third floor. She practically ran towards the room, wanting so much to see the person who played their song so perfectly. Of course, Suzz thought now, who else but Jay himself? Suzz observed him from top to toe shyly. He looked the same, physically, but Suzz felt something different in him. It was as if he had became a stranger overnight, or in this case, three weeks. There was nothing of him that was similar to the Jay she knew. She shivered. His face was expressionless. Suzz took a few steps forward, and stopped. They both stood there, looking at each other; gazing deep into the other’s eyes, finding that memories of the past remained fresh in their mind. For Suzz, it was his soft, wistful smile that brought a long-lost-yet-not-forgotten warmth; for Jay, it was the sight of her, flesh and blood, standing in front of him, a faded twinkle brightening up her face.
They held the gaze for a moment. Jay took the papers on the piano, breaking the intensifying gaze. Holding the papers, he walked towards her, staring numbly at the notes on the score. I believe, he handed it to her, this is yours. Suzz took it gently, read it and nodded her head, looking up at him again. Thank you, she said. So, she continued, nodding pointedly at the piano, practicing for the concert?
Jay nodded wordlessly. You? He asked after a moment silence. I’m going to practice it afterwards, Suzz replied. Jay nodded again, then stuck his hands into his pants’ pocket. “Is that…” he glanced briefly at the papers Suzz was holding. “…our song?”
Suzz smiled slightly. Yeah, she answered softly, shuffling through the pages. Your mom told me about you writing down every single note of the song, Jay stated. Well, Suzz frowned in mock disapproval, she shouldn’t have gone round telling people that. She broke into a grin. But, I guess, no harm done in telling you. You share a piece of this song, Suzz added. Just like we share a kind of mutuality that no one else can understand, Suzz found herself thinking.
Jay’s lips curved upwards. True, he said. But, he dug his hands deeper into his pockets, you don’t have a title there. Suzz glanced at the top of the page and sighed. “There just isn’t a perfect name for it,” she gestured her hands in the air. “If you get what I mean.” Then, looking at him shyly, she asked. “You want to think of a name for it?”
Jay’s eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Let me see, he took the papers from her. No words came into mind. Jay couldn’t think of something suitable for the title of the song. “Nope,” he handed back the papers. “Can’t think of anything nice.”
Suzz reached out to take the papers. She placed them on top of the piano. “Never mind,” she smiled. “Later.” But her smile soon faded as silence engulfed them. “So,” she said awkwardly. “How are you?”
Fine, Jay replied quietly, uncomfortably shifting his weight from the left side to the right. You?
I’m not feeling well, and very disappointed because you seem to shut me out of your world. Suzz refrained herself from saying that aloud. Fine, she managed to mutter under her breath. Have you prepare yourself for the concert? Suzz asked before the heavy silence can settle on them again.
Jay shook his head. I just realized it’s on next Saturday, he said sheepishly. Suzz chuckled softly. Same here, she said. What song are you going to play? “Maybe Mozart’s ‘Sonata in C’.” Jay shrugged. “What about you?”
Suzz bit her lips and frowned slightly. “Well, I haven’t really got a song in mind yet. I don’t know… “ She paused. “There’s no song that I felt,” she gestured her hands in mid air. “Connected with,” she stated finally.
The side of Jay’s lips curved upwards softly. I get what you mean, he said sympathetically. Jay too felt that the song he had chosen is not particularly what he wanted to play. He wanted to play his own songs, songs he had composed over the years. As he wrote the songs at different phases of life and its experiences, only then will he be able to bring out the true meaning behind each song. There is the song of the girl next class, the one about what he felt when his beloved pet dog died, and also the song where he observed various types of people walking down the street one morning. All of them posed a different impression on the listener; it may be happy, sweet, sad, or just plain beautiful.
What are you thinking about? Suzz asked him, noticing the way he was staring blankly at something beyond her shoulder. Jay jolted back into reality. Uh, nothing, he mumbled. Suzz looked at him, an overwhelming feeling numbed her senses. There he stood, his eyes partially shadowed by his cap, yet Suzz could just make out the slight twinkle in them. Jay… a voice in her mind called out. The familiar feelings of desolation returned. “Are we still friends?” she blurted out, not the least caring that Jay might give her the cold shoulder again. She was desperate to know, why didn’t he give her a call when she was feeling so down; or why he had deserted her when she needed him.
Jay was clearly taken aback. He staggered backwards, then steadied himself against the piano. Regaining his composure, he straightened his cap. He avoided her eyes, turning away he faced the windows. “Jay,” Suzz called. “I don’t know why you didn’t come to the music room for so long a time. You could be busy, yes, but I don’t think that’s the reason. You seem to totally shut me out of your life.” Tears were forming in her eyes, her heart ached as she remembered the way the last few weeks passed by ever so painfully without Jay there, and she struggled to continue. “I’ve been waiting for you to come, hoping and hoping that you’ll be here in the music room. Yet, every time, I returned to find emptiness.” She took a deep breath, letting the air fill her lungs before exhaling. “I thought you will understand, and well, just help me pull through this stage. I thought you care for me, as a friend. But,” she paused, her voice raw with emotion. “But I’m wrong. I see that now,” she said, bitterness mingled with sadness in her tone.
All this while Jay had been looking away, away from those eyes, which haunted him in his dreams every single night. He couldn’t bring himself to look into them, not wanting to let Suzz know that he too had been suffering by simply not being there for her. If only I didn’t meet her on day one, that all this wouldn’t even be happening. But if you didn’t meet her, you will never understand the true beauty of love, a small voice in his mind told him. Jay swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry, Suzz,” he said, finally mustering the courage to return her gaze. “I’m sorry for everything. But,” he choked. “You will never understand how I feel.”
A drop of tear rolled down Suzz’s cheeks, but she remained quiet. Jay sighed softly. Then, as if speaking to himself, he said. “Everyone who I cared for leaves me to survive in this world. Alone. My Dad, my Mom…” his voice trailed away as his mind pictured his parents, sitting on the piano seat with little Jay in the middle, listening and clapping in delight as Jay played a new song which he had learnt. “And now you,” he said quietly.
Suzz took a few steps forward, closing up the distance between them. “I won’t leave you alone,” she said firmly, though Jay noticed a quiver in her voice. “I’ll always be with you, whenever you need me. I’ll be there, even when you won’t be able to see me.” Suzz left out the word “die”, not only because she knew Jay wouldn’t want to be reminded with death, but also she didn’t want to think of herself as dying. Not yet. “I’m your best friend, remember?” She gave him an encouraging smile.
Jay stared at her numbly. Best friend, he echoed. Then his expression softened. Yeah, he returned her smile with a faint one. You’re my best friend, always, he said, brightening up. But somehow those words don’t seemed to sound right to him. Best friend, best friend… Jay repeated them silently, over and over in his mind. It sounded strange to his ears. ‘Best friend’ isn’t the word he refers to Suzz, and certainly, he didn’t just want to stay as Suzz’s ‘best friend’. He wanted more than that. I don’t want to be your best friend, Jay felt like bursting out, I want to be someone closer to you, to your heart. They were standing so close Jay could make out the depth of her striking eyes. He felt tempted to run his fingers through her soft hair.
Suzz’s sniff interrupted his thoughts. Jay focused on her. She was wiping the tears in her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying and laughing at the same time. What are you laughing at? Jay asked curiously. A burden seemed to be lifted off his heart. He felt lighter, found it easier to breathe, thanks to Suzz’s simple, innocent smile. “Nothing, just that, well, I’m happy because we’re on speaking terms again,” Suzz said, smiling sweetly at him. Her eyes still glistened with tears, and when Jay looked closer, he could make out his own face reflected in those beautiful eyes. I should be feeling happier than you should, Jay told her. Suzz’s expression was those of disbelief and doubt. Honest, he raised his hands up in a gesture of surrender. Suzz laughed at his antics. Well, I believe you, she said softly. Then, her expression turned stern. “Let’s not go through this again, okay?” Suzz pleaded. “I never want to feel that way again.”
Jay reached out for her hand; his own courage amazed him tremendously. It felt warm, and he squeezed it slightly. He felt Suzz tensed under his touch, but she didn’t make a move to let go of his hand. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” When he said those words, he looked into her eyes, and sensed she was trying to avoid his gaze. But eventually, after a moment silence, Suzz turned to face him. She searched his eyes doubtfully, searching for some truth in those words. Jay returned her gaze with a soft twinkle. Suzz’s face relaxed. “You better mean it,” she teased, suddenly becoming more cheerful.
Jay laughed. Then, he let go of her hand slowly. “I will,” Jay told her. Besides, he thought quietly, I can’t afford to lose you anymore. Suzz beamed, and walked towards the piano. Stopping to turn around, she called out to Jay. “Want to play the piano together? I haven’t touched these keys for quite some time.”
“Sure,” Jay replied enthusiastically. He watched as Suzz sat down graciously on the seat and touched the keys lovingly. Then she started to play a simple melody. Jay folded his arms and observed the figure in front of him. Ending the melody with a trill, Suzz looked up expectantly at Jay. He clapped his hands. Suzz grinned, and with a soft chuckle, she proceeded to play another song.
That’s my girl, Jay thought proudly. Always being optimistic, and of course, he smiled slightly, sweet.
That’s the Suzz I once knew and still love.
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[Posted on 14/11/2002 4.31PM]