Fan Fiction |
by sileNt_rOse
hannah - Thanks for everything, okay??
Red * Angel - Heheeheh... this is gonna be one long chapter!!!
Ayumi - *hUgz* Life goes on, dear. Be strong. ^_^
sileNt
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Jay strolled down the corridor, his feet as heavy as lead. He hugged his books tightly against his chest, breathing deeply, savoring the afternoon stillness. The school compound was quiet as usual, except for the occasional tweeting of a faraway bird. The empty corridor stretched in front of him. To his right, the classrooms bore ghostly voices of the early morning; Jay could almost hear the giggles and laughter in his mind as one by one, the classrooms passed by. He stopped in front of a door, relaxing his tight grip on the books. He rested his free hand on the doorknob; not wanting to open it, knowing it would be empty.
The incident yesterday still left many stunned, and it came as a shock to Jay. He could remember clearly how the news reached him. Jay had been walking past the medical room by chance: he was supposed to collect the books in the teachers’ room, which was situated next to the medical room. Balancing five thick encyclopedias on one hand and three huge files on the other, Jay could hardly see the floor in front of him, let alone an oncoming person. But fated it was, that a guy almost knocked him down. Fortunately for Jay, he saw the other guy coming and managed to jump out of his way. The guy looked flushed and muttered an apology. Jay shook his head, and got on to his way. But before he could even take two steps, a loud shout, which seemed to be coming out from the medical room, reached his ears.
“There’s a girl who fainted in the second floor. Miss Wong said it might be a heart attack case. The girl’s having difficulty breathing. Quick!”
Jay had held his breath, and stopped dead in his tracks. He swirled around to see the guy who had almost collided with him emerging from the medical room, a stern-looking lady by his side. Both of their expression was serious. Jay felt his stomach churned. A horrible realization dawned upon him. Suzz… He forced himself to stay calm. Lowering the books, he called out to the guy as they walked past him. Who’s the girl? “I don’t know,” the guy shrugged. “But it looks serious.”
Instincts told him that it was Suzz. Jay had practically ran up the stairs, encyclopedias and all, and dumped them on the table nearest to the door. Noticing that the teacher for the next subject hadn’t arrived, he told the guy sitting beside one of the windows ‘I’ll be back’. He began to run down the stairs to the second floor. Following his instincts, Jay arrived at one of the classrooms. He managed to squeeze in between the crowd that gathered around, whispering and discussing. “Heart attack… kind of serious.” “How is she?” “What if she dies?” “Maybe it’s nothing, but…” A flicker of anger lighted in him as he mentally scolded the students for being so inconsiderate of the poor girl. Pushing his way through, he got out into the open. A girl was lying on the floor, her face obstructed by the few adults surrounding her. Jay recognized the lady squatting down as the stern lady he saw just now. She didn’t look fierce now; instead, she looked nervous and panicky. Jay’s stare rested on the figure of the girl. At first, he didn’t want to find out who the girl was. He stood there, unmoving for a few seconds. Finally, mustering the courage, he took a shaky step forward. Then another. He closed his eyes as he took a final step, praying silently that it wouldn’t be her. It COULDN’T be her, Jay told himself firmly. With that thought in mind, Jay snapped open his eyes. And stared.
His determination crumbled. Jay felt as if the world had been turned upside down. There she was, lying ghastly pale on the floor. Her white face contrasted greatly with the dark gray color of the ground. He staggered backwards, regained his composure, and quickly ran towards her. He squatted down and took her cold hand, holding it tightly, thinking that at least he could give her some warmth. Suzz, he gently called, though his voice wavered. Suzz, wake up. It’s me, Jay.
Suddenly, Jay felt a slight twitch in his hands. Suzz’s fingers had moved weakly, as though responding to him. The lady beside him looked at him in amazement. “Are you her brother? Her cousin?” she asked. Jay shook his head wryly; his eyes never once left Suzz’s colorless face. “Then?” she proceeded curiously. Jay sighed, and turned to face her. I’m her… Jay had paused. Friend, he finally said.
Jay frowned slightly; the coolness of the metal doorknob jolted him back into reality. Why did he said that? He asked himself. Why can’t he just say ‘boyfriend’? Isn’t that more specific? But then Jay realized he hadn’t even ask her yet. What if he never gets to ask her? The thought of young, sweet Suzz leaving him sent shivers down his spine. Shaking his head fervently, he tried to erase those negative thoughts in his mind, willing himself to concentrate on something irrelevant.
What did he come here for? Jay found himself thinking. Oh yes. To practice. The concert is on this Saturday, only two days left. For the past one week, Jay had returned to the music room without failure, and Suzz would be there before him, always. They had resumed their usual sessions; the only change was that they talked more now. Conversations sometimes last for a full hour, depending on the topic and the mood. Jay felt himself opening up to Suzz, shown her his vulnerable side. But he trusted her, trusted her to keep his secrets to herself, and to not hurt his delicate heart. Most important of all, the love he felt for her was growing stronger, day by day. There came a stage where Jay didn’t feel like doing anything but to just gaze into the hauntingly beautiful eyes of Suzz. He wanted to have her in his arms, to smell her fragrant hair, to feel her skin brushing electrifyingly against his.
With a sigh, Jay reminded himself to practice in the music room and not to think about Suzz. He pushed open the door tiredly, and his gaze rested on the figure in front of him. He gasped. “Suzz!” he exclaimed, unable to conceal his joy upon seeing her. “But, I thought… you…”
Suzz laughed. She meant it well as a surprise, and the blur look on his face made her smile. Surprise, surprise, she said. Yeah, I’m supposed to stay in the hospital, but well… Suzz shrugged sheepishly. I can’t stand being locked up indoors. Besides, the concert’s two days away. Unless they move a piano into my room, I won’t stay in the hospital. Not in a million years.
Jay laughed, but he was a little disturbed by the ironic of the joke. Nevertheless, he didn’t let it bother him too much. So what did the doctor say? He asked casually.
Suzz hesitated. Should I tell him? She wondered. She recalled the events of the day before, and trembled. Her parents had rushed back in the middle of a court hearing just to see if she was fine. Suzz had been sleeping when they arrived, but awoke when her mother called her gently. “Are you okay, Suzz?” she asked softly. Feeling tired, Suzz barely nodded. She seemed to have lost her voice, and a whimper escaped her throat. “Shh…” her mother put a finger on Suzz’s lips. “Don’t talk. Rest.” With those words, her parents went out of the room, leaving Suzz to entertain her own thoughts. She lay awake, silently thinking about life and its hidden meanings. She had thought about her family, of how her parents spent so much on her, hoping and hoping that she will get well eventually. And her friends… she hadn’t been making many friends lately. Slowly, the thoughts drifted to Jay. She smiled slightly as the image of his bent figure concentrating deeply on the piano evaded her mind.
Her parents came back, and Suzz noticed in fear that her mother’s eyes were red. She had been crying. Suzz bit her lips as they sat down beside her. She glanced at her father who looked away when their eyes met. Finally, after a moment silence, her mother heaved, and held Suzz’s hands in hers. “Suzz, we –” she nodded pointedly at her father, “ – don’t want to force you into doing something you wouldn’t like. But,” she took a deep breath. “Your condition is really bad now, and the doctor wants you to undergo surgery. He says that the tumor is growing at a really fast speed, and that if we don’t do anything, you might…” Her voice trailed away. Suzz could only remember blankness when her mother’s words sunk in.
“But Mom,” Suzz began, almost pleading. “You know I don’t want to –” Her mother cut her off with a wave of her hand. “I know you don’t want to. But it’s for your own good.” Her eyes were moist now; glistening with newly formed tears. “Suzz, please.”
The sad look in her mother’s eyes haunted her. “Give me time,” Suzz managed to mumble, staring ahead into emptiness, avoiding both her parents’ eyes.
Suzz sighed, returning to the present world. Jay was still staring curiously at her. She made up her mind to tell him the truth, because deep inside, she knew that she longed for Jay’s advice and his shy presence whenever she needed him. “He said I need a surgery immediately if I am to live. But I don’t want to,” she said quietly, sensing Jay’s expression turned into disbelief.
“But why?” Jay asked incredulously. “This may be the only chance you can get. Don’t you want to live?”
Suzz swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. “I don’t deserve to live.” She turned away, not wanting to let Jay see she was about to cry. “Look at all the trouble I’ve brought to my parents. I’ve seen so many doctors and specialists, but can they cure me? No!” A drop of tear rolled down her cheeks, and she quickly brushed it away. “What’s the use of going for operation after operation when you know that you’ll die, eventually? I don’t want to go through this anymore; it’s torturing me. Like what happened yesterday.” She paused, then spoke quietly. “Who knows when I might just drop dead and die like that?”
Jay took a step forward. “Suzz, if anything goes wrong, at least you know you've tried. Think of your parents. If they think of you as a burden, will they spend so much time and money searching for a possible solution to your condition? Imagine how disappointed they feel when you decide to let it all go and just,” he took a deep breath, “die.
"They’ll feel helpless, and angry. Watching you suffer all this while is tormenting for them, too.” He stopped, catching his breath and observing her reaction. She showed no expression, but there was a thoughtful look in those eyes of hers. Jay continued, hoping to persuade her to change her mind. “Your parents place all their hope and love in you, Suzz. How can you just let them down like that?” Suzz remained silent. “Fine, don’t think about your parents, then. Think about ME,” he choked, his lips quivering slightly. “What will happen to me if you just go like that when I know that there’s a chance for you to recover? I’ll probably DIE too, of guilt. Suzz,” he gently placed his hands on her shoulders, steering her towards him. “No matter how slim the chance is, I want you to take it. I don’t want you to go so fast. Stay here with me a little longer, okay?” he said, almost childishly.
Suzz looked up slowly. What Jay said stirred something in her. About her parents... about him. Their eyes locked. Suzz could make out the unmistakable reflection of tears in his eyes, and longed to wipe them away. Sadness and hope seemed to mingle together as she gazed deep down into the depths of his eyes. But there was something else too, she realized. Her heart skipped a beat as Jay’s eyes bore down deep into the core of her soul, leaving her feeling exposed. It was as if he could see and sense whatever that she was thinking. They stood there, silence engulfing them. Suddenly, Jay pulled her fiercely towards him and hugged her tightly. Suzz was stunned for a moment, rendered speechless. She stiffened under his embrace, but he didn’t let go. Eventually, she relaxed, and her arms circled around him, pulling him closer. She felt so secure in his strong, masculine presence. If only she hadn’t been diagnosed with the fatal disease… Suzz was sure they could build and share something beautiful together. If only…
Jay sniffed the faint whiff of hair shampoo fragrance, savoring its almost heavenly smell. He could feel her fragile body trembling as she sobbed. The only way he could ease her of her discomfort was to lend her his shoulder. Stroking her hair gently, he whispered softly into her ears. “Suzz, go for it. Take the operation. For my sake. Okay?”
Suzz reluctantly let go of Jay and pulled away. Their faces were only few inches away. She studied the intricate details of his eyes. “Okay?” Jay repeated. She nodded wordlessly, managing a weak smile; fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. At the sight of her smile, Jay felt like he was going to melt. There, I made her smile, he thought proudly. He gently wiped the tears away as she stood there, gazing at him. “You look prettier when you smile,” he told her softly. Suzz blushed. Jay’s lips curved upwards at the side. “Don’t cry anymore, promise?” he said, his eyes twinkling.
Again, she nodded. The heartbreaking look in his eyes made it hard for her to focus on anything but his eyes. Suzz felt the familiar sensation tingling as she recalled their kiss. Jay, she mouthed, still gazing into his eyes. She made a mental note to tell her decision to her parents later. But as for now, she was content just by looking at him, silently admiring him, not wanting to break the magical feeling between them.
So, this is love, she thought to herself, finally realizing the meaning of love. Jay had shown her, let her experienced the feeling of loving someone, and be loved in return. The true meaning of pure, innocent love lies not in the words exchanged between two, but rather the meaningful silence that falls where two people, connected emotionally, become one.
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Satisfied?? Hehehehe. ^_^
[Posted on 21/11/2002 1.28AM]